I've made a decision ...
And what better thing than have an official announcement as my 200th blog post ...
I've decided ...
To allow myself two years to go on a journey into myself. LOL! That feels good to say (type) aloud - an official declaration to the world!
As you know I lost my "real" job in Oct of last year. I worked as a waitress to get on my feet here in NOLA and recently started a physical production job that should last for another 8 weeks. I've been silently tormenting myself and having emotional breakdowns because as casual as I pretend to be about the situation it has been really devastating to not have a "real" job. (By real I mean steady income, health benefits, pension plan, prestige of moving up the corporate ladder, etc.) It has been a major reason I've not been truly enjoying my life.
Well I came to a conclusion today that it is OKAY. There is no hard fast rule that everyone's career and future potential for success has to follow the same model. The only thing I MUST do is follow my spirit and my spirit wants to do something other than stress over whether or not I'll secure a "real" job. And speaking of "security", even without a "real" job, I've been taken care of. Money has been flowing to me exactly when I need it since I lost my job! I actually made more money waiting tables here than as a top entertainment assistant in L.A.! (I did "make" more money there but with the cost of living factored in, it works out w/me having more money here in NOLA.) I think this is the time for me to explore my true talents, passions and desires. What do I really want? Where do I really want to go? What does my soul/spirit want?
I've finally decided to stop fighting the fact that I don't have that "real" job and embrace and rejoice for this time to get to the core of ME. I'm giving myself some "real" time, some room to explore what my spirit does want. Worse case scenario, I'm "tripping" and this spirit thing is a justification technique I've made up in my head. At age 35 (two years from now), I'll admit that, cut my losses and take the Bar exam or take more classes to become a college professor (getting a "real" job).
Best case scenario (and this is the one I'm betting on) is that I'm going to get something I could never receive from just getting a "real" job. Right now I'm feeling that if I just take some time to chill out and let my spirit speak what ever it is I'm supposed to be doing will be revealed to me. I've got to go with the flow of this (and since October I've been clawing and fighting against the grain). I'm tired of fighting and I'm giving up that habbit for the next 2 years.
I'm extremely excited and ready for this journey. While, I'm ready to see what will be revealed but I'm more ready to just sit back and enjoy the ride! I'll excitedly continuing the broadcast of my story here.
You may now return to your regularly scheduled program.
7 comments:
I love this! Sometimes, you have to stop swimming against the current of life, turn around, and flow with it. You may find that its leading you exactly where you need to be! I look forward to hearing about what happens over the next 2 years :)
Right on point woman! Its all unfolding before you. Thanks for letting me be apart of your journey. Its mucho inspiring.
Get it girl!
Beautiful D. This is EXACTLY what I've been on also. You are going to have a blast doing "you". Just relax, let go of the oars, and "Be Easy Baby"! This is meant to be fun! I'm happy for yo and proud of you.
Matthew Munn said it best. Stop swimming against the current and go wth the flow. I think its all in God's perfect timing.
I'm just discovering your blog. Way to go! I have been receiving those "stop resisting" messages too. I'm proud of you D!
girly i swear we're connected. when i lost my job in november 08 i made the decision that '09 was going to be the year to 'find myself.' i was not going to jump into another job just to say 'i have a job.' i was going to decide what it was i wanted to do, who i wanted to be, and become that person...even if that meant not having a job and steady income.
i'm still jobless but money has luckily not been a big issue. my bills and rent are paid and i manage to have bit left over to do things i want to do. sure some days i think 'just go get any job' but will that make me happy? hell no...and who will be benefiting from that?
i've been spending a lot of time with my camera because i decided photography is something i love and want to learn more about. i just got a call back from a job that i REALLY want that puts me exactly in the direction i decided i want to go in. i'm keeping my fingers crossed that it works out...and if it doesn't - i still 7 more months to get going...
so happy you've made this realization too.
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