See at the time I put it on the CD because I felt like I needed an attitude adjustment. Today is different though because I am embracing a new attitude. Like Patti says, "I've changed for good!". I was bawling (and dancing and singing at the top of my lungs on the way in this morning - poor lady next to me at the red light on Melrose and San Vicente looked so confused) as I not only listened but understood her words. "I'm in control - my worries are few. Know where I'm going and I know what to do!" YES I DO! I'm the co-author in my life and Ms. LaBelle reminded me in grand fashion this morning.
Shout out to Dominique from ANTM - DAVIDA CHANEL has a new attitude!!!!!!!!!
I hold on to and keep everything. I cleaned out my closet a month ago and had some notebook pages from the 11th grade. I stay in relationships and friendships long after I should be done. I've stayed on several jobs long after I should have quit and then after I quit, I still pick up shifts and/or help out my former bosses as if I was still on payroll. I hold grudges - yep, if you screwed with me back in the day, I'm probably still mad. I hold on because I do not like to quit. My astrologier Lilly says all the time, "How do you know something is done for DaVida? It is dead, has been buried, dug up and is stinking up the place."
Quitters in my opinion are the lowest form ... way worse than losers. I hate to watch people on reality shows/competitions that just give up. That burns me up. They will be competing for their "life's dream" and just walk away because something didn't go their way that day. I never want to be that person. So I have learned to deal with crap that is in pursuit of my dream - I can't give up. I don't give up. I don't stop. I can not stop.
Well, I'm daily becoming more aware of myself as a spiritual being. I'm reading, meditating, doing yoga ... I am putting in the work required to become the person I am meant to be. At this level in my spiritual growth, I have run into an obstacle - in order to be more spiritual, I am going to have to quit. The spiritual gurus don't call it quitting though, they call it surrender (a fancy term in my opinion for quitting, giving up). Luckily, I know at this point that the things that seem the hardest are exactly what I am supposed to be doing (aaahhh, good ole' ego). So I am working on surrending - which in a nutshell means giving up attachments to outcomes. It is supposed to be about living each moment as it comes and not worrying about what has taken place in the past or what may happen in the future. It is about being certain that each moment of your life is being lived exactly as it is supposed to be to learn the lessons you were brought here to learn.
Sounds simple enough but it is so not the life I've lived thus far. I have been living results motivated - I don't think in the present, I think about how it will affect my future. No lie, I am always thinking about how what I'm doing right now affects my future. I rarely take time to just be present - it is always about what is coming or what I have to do or "when this thing happens everything will be right".
So yesterday I did something unheard of for me. I gave up. Actually I decided to give in to the surrender. Give in to God's complete plan for my life. Give in to the fact I don't have all the answers and that God's plan is so much bigger than what I can see for myself. I'm giving in and although it feels odd as hell, I'm finally excited about the now.
* Every time you think something negative or are in fear, reverse your thought to encompass something positive about the situation. Find a positive perspective to what is going on. There is always something good that is taking place and it is your job to find it.
* Believe in a positive outcome. When the world tells you something is impossible. Don t believe them. Believe all is possible and feel your desired outcome all the way down to your bones. You must believe with all your heart. Ask others to believe with you.
* Intend for the outcome you want, not the outcome you fear. Don t even let a minute of your thought process be on anything other than the intention for the perfect outcome. Intend for the impossible. Intend for the miracle. Intend for peace of mind. Intend to feel the presence of God.
* Surrender, Let Go - have no attachment to the how, why, where or when. Just believe. Hold your thoughts on the positive. Hold your belief in the positive. Place your intention on the positive. Surrender.
BACKGROUND: When it comes to the many MANY loves of my life, they are as varied a bunch as they come. I can attribute this to my family. The men I was around were very different but all had one thing in common - they were INDIVIDUALS w/SWAGGER (ie confidence, a bit of arrogance, manliness - total opposite of Diddy's definition of "bitchassness"). They played by their own rules and they were not often "in a box".
First their was my great-grandfather, Henry Demby. This guy was all man. He had a head full of white hair and was soooooooo handsome (even at like 60-something). He was such an individual that while all of his siblings spell their name Dempsey, he rolled w/Demby because he said it was the correct way. According to him everyone else changed the spelling after Jack Dempsey won a fight. He started a business in Louisiana during a time when that was not the norm for a black man. He took care of his family and my great-grandmother never had to get a job.
My grandmother also played her huge part in what I find attractive in men - through her choice of husbands. My Paw-Paw, her first husband and father of her children, is about 5-9 on a good day and red (if you're from Louisiana you'll know what that means). He always smells great and is cocky as the day is long. He's very dynamic and engaging - he sings at church and has been known to preach on occasion. I don't remember much about her second husband except that he was pretty short too. I absolutely loved her third husband, Nathan Jenkins. He was short (yep Granny likes those little guys), drove Caddy's and was really into social status. He had traveled a lot in his life and was used to fine things. In fact, he required them. He and I got along very well because I was smart and studious and into fine things at a young age - we could relate.
So if you wrapped all those men into one, you'd have the prototype of what I have generally dated - suave, confident, attractive, kind of arrogant, and totally secure in being an individual. My first "real" boyfriend was probably the best dressed boy at my high school and would throw away shoes if they got the least bit dirty even if it was the first time he wore them. A man who was concerned with his appearance and status back in the day would have me SICK (davida-ism for EXTREMELY in like!). Then I met a guy in college that added another element to the mix.
In my senior year of college, I had pretty much vowed to stop dating. I was focused on the prize of graduating and moving to L.A. to bartend at night and get discovered in the day time (my family didn't agree w/that plan but that's another post). One day in my African-American studies class, this beautiful brother got up to speak and I literally dropped my pen and the papers on my desk all flew off. He was amazing - he met all the criteria above but add mysterious (b/c I didn't know him and I pretty much knew everyone at school) and articulate. I had to know more. So I went to talk to him and he mentioned that he was a musician. Hmmmm.
As time went on I got to go over and watch him make music - literally. Absolutely amazing. This guy could hear and create music in a way that I couldn't even fathom at the time. He wasn't just hitting keys his keyboard, he was producing tracks for himself and local groups. I was smitten. At that point in time, I realized that men who create music are on a whole 'nother level. This guy just being him forced me to add some new criteria to my prototype of the guy for me - creativity and sensitivity are now a must.
Since him, I've not "really" dated any music guys but they have become my no. 1 crushes. When I heard my first Neptunes beat, I had to find out about the producer. I instantly fell in love with Pharrell Williams.
I have always seen myself as somewhat as a spin artist because of this. For so long when teachers would see my name, they'd say things like, "Is your father's name David?". After I found out it wasn't, it was so much easier to still say yes. I've devised quite a few of those type stories (my fav being that my parents were expecting a boy and when I came they added an "A" to the end). Why? I have found that people don't like to hear long drawn out sagas that imply any hint of "uncomfortableness". They like simple, easy and perfect ... as if it could fit into a box. I learned early on that fitting into the box was just fine with me. I've had quite a history of fitting in (even when people thought I was standing out, it was all my way of fitting in). Now things are different, I have no desire for the first time in my life to fit in or stand out. I want to simply be. I'm a "grown up" (whatever that means) and I just want to be me REGARDLESS of what the world thinks.
Here's the thing, just being me means a lot of different things on different days. Sometimes I'm really mellow and laid back, other times I'm anxious and anal. I am also a lot of different things to a lot of different people. I have learned that to truly know yourself and not just the voices in your head or the words people use to describe you, sometimes you have to just be. Just being is a lot for me because I'm pretty much a do-er. I do things all the time and experiencing sometimes feels like I should be doing something. It is a process and I'm patiently and excitedly going on the journey.
I'm on going through a huge revelation/transformation/period of growth/spiritual awakening and I think it is pretty cool. I'm reading new types of books, being attracted to new people, new theories about life and trying new things. This is a fertile time for me and I'm excited about what is to come. I'll be posting those things that are happening in my world as they happen. It is my life live online - wow! That's pretty cool. I'm finally at a point where I'm ready to accept being myself ... whoever I am today! And YAY for you ... you get to read and watch the transformation.
If you'd like to see the video from www.jaudible.com, here you goes the link - DaVida's Jaudible.
NOTE: So my name has created a bit of a lie but I do believe there is a purpose for everything. While I may not be the daughter of David, I bear a powerful name as a result. Vida means the life in Spanish and Davida is intepreted as the feminine form of David in Hebrew meaning beloved. I'll take the beloved life and that's what I have! Things always work out just as they shouldso I take my name to be an honor.