Some Love for My Core

In this ongoing quest to find myself and become this new and better person, I often neglect to stay in the moment and realize what is going on right now. Additionally, I seldom look to the past in a positive light - I tend to use the past as examples of areas where I should have corrected my behavior and use it for areas of improvement right now. This weekend I had an opportunity to revisit a positive part of my past and the visit brought up a lot about me and friendships.

When I was around eight or so, my family was busy preparing for a holiday visit from relatives. My cousin Marianne saw me sitting sadly in a corner and asked what was wrong. I told her I didn't like people which became a thing in my family ("Oh don't worry about DaVida, you know she doesn't like people!). What my eight year old mind was trying to convey was that I didn't like when people came over to stay because it disrupted my comfort. Their arrivals always meant a disruption in my routine and I didn't like that. This philosophy carried over into my friendships - while I enjoy hanging out with people and doing the "fun" stuff, it was rather hard for me to commit to the bs that came with friendships, especially with females. When they got to be too much I simply walked away.

Towards the end of my college career, I met a new girl, Mistie, and she kind of brought me into her circle. This group of girls were different. They were really close-knit and praticed extreme honesty at all times - a whole lot for me. It is not that I'm dishonest, I just don't do well with confrontation. For the first time, I was kind of forced to deal with females in a way I hadn't ever before. Pretty soon, I formed bonds with the other girls individually and I wasn't just Mistie's friend, we were all friends. Then real life hit and we all kind of moved on and away and I grew distant just because that's how I am.

This weekend, a few of us got together. It was the first time in over 10 years that I got to kick it with those girls as a group (I've seen them separately and sporatically during that time but not all at once). What I realized this weekend is that while it is important to evolve and grow and leave things/people behind, it is equally important to take care of those core relationships. Even my trainer says having a strong core is key to any success. Although I'm sure he meant just abs, but hey the analogy works here as well. I realized this weekend that I've really got some core relationships that will stand during the transition to becoming who I am supposed to be. I struggle to find people who get me - totally get me - and this weekend I was reminded that there are some people that really do and they have for some time - people that have known me long enough to see and witness my adult revolution from the beginning. While my comfort is tested sometimes with friends, I am no longer compelled to run away from it, rather I'm choosing to now run directly into that feeling.

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