Where Yo' Focus At?!?!

I'm an extremely ambitious person but one of my biggest issues in the pursuit of my goals is that at the time when I should be MOST focused, I tend to lose my focus. It is weird, I can be hardcore in the middle of MY stuff and then get so easily distracted by shiny, pretty things. Its like I'm 6 or something! My favorite distraction? Other people. I get so caught up in other people's stuff it is crazy! I'm so attracted to people who I perceive as being more "on it" than I am. I feel like some of their "shine" is gonna fall on me or something. ESPECIALLY if they have a strong work ethic and great discipline, and the biggest one CONFIDENCE. I've got to be around them or have them around me. I forget my stuff and get on board with their stuff. There are so many issues with that but the biggest problem is that I am seeking stuff I already have. I know I've got an abundance of talent but when I see someone with abilities I don't have, I get so fascinated and awestruck. Then I get caught up. And the caught up can go one of 2 ways - either I see the person IS in fact as amazing as I perceive and I go into psycho GOTTA be on this team mode and they think I'm crazy or I see they don't go after "it" in a way I would so I either resent them for wasting talent or stop dealing w/them b/c I think they are fraud. Either way, the time it takes for that process to occur is time wasted from MY stuff! It is so frustrating and it happens way to often. But when I see those shiny, pretty things (translation= beautiful, amazing beings unapologetically pursuing their dream) I can't help but stop. I've gotta work on taking brief pauses and keeping it moving.

Sigh.

But just the other day I saw a new beautiful thing that was so shiny I had to take a double take ... and his hustle makes mine look a day in a socialite's life...

Focus, Focus, Focus. Clearly still more work to do!

Jonah Hex, June 18!!!

Thousands of mosquito bites, one heat/dehydration incident, new best friends, first film gig in New Orleans that lead to current tv gig, best breakfasts ever, introduced to yerba mate tea, visions of pool boys, got my first IPhone and ran the battery down 100s of times a day, many trips to St. Francisville and back and sober nights working in the Quarter while the drunkards walked through ....

And on June 18 you can see what all the hard work went into!!! Click here to watch the trailer!

They All Come Back

When joking about relationships that didn't work out, I say girl, "One day he'll be back. They all will come back and say how wonderful I was back when he knew me." This week that has been happening WAY too much.

It started with my scummy boy. Ok he's not so scummy anymore but he just popped up out of the blue. Good ole' Facebook - he emailed me and we exchanged numbers. I hadn't heard from him since 2004! (Ironically the last time I saw him it was at Mardi Gras in New Orleans.) It was cool to hear from him but it was like hmmm, where'd that come from. And he said the thing, "You are so awesome I was so whack for not doing right back in the day." (Ok he didn't really say that, but you get the point.)

I was shocked to hear from Scummy Boy, but the shock of the month was when I heard from my first. Yes THAT first. Normally I don't answer unknown numbers but this week I did something to my phone and deleted all of my contacts and w/the nature of my job, I can't miss calls. So when he called it was from some weird number so I answered. I was FLOORED when he said who he was (ummm, where the heck did you appear from and more importantly what the heck do you want?!?!). So I said I'd call back but didn't. We connected later during the week. He wasn't talking about much but it was so bizarre that he'd call. I guess it didn't move me that much because I don't know that man and he doesn't know me. I can't even remember what was so special - I was just 16 after all, so maybe it wasn't a grand connection. He didn't say any of the "you were the one I let get away," but he did mention several times how fab I was and how accomplished I am ... how'd he get my number anyway?!?!

In astrology right now, the phenom of Mercury Retrograde is occurring. Its a time to reflect, review, adjust as needed and move on. This time its affecting me in the area of relationships. Who knows what rocks these guys crawled from under but I'm more interested in the lessons I'm supposed to learn from the past as it relates to them. It brings up lots of personal work but I'm ready to confront my unresolved issues and move on. That's exactly what Mercury does during retrograde ... it literally backs up in the sky for a while makes adjustments, then continues forward. Full steam ahead ...

Ten Questions

I love questionnaires so when I saw this on *kay's blog ICE CREAM AND PEONIES, I had to answer. ENJOY

1. If you could travel back in time, would you? What decade would you visit?
Hmmmmm .... this one is a good question because as I kid I really wished I could have a time machine! I think I'd want to go back to the Jesus days and see how it was. I wonder if I would have been a follower or a condemner?

2. What was your best Halloween costume? (fun to make? most creative?)
I love costumes! I'm sad to say my best was kinda insensitive. I was Princess Diana one year after the crash :( A cuter one was I was a hippie in college. I make a tattoo of a peace sign on my side. I liked it :)

3. Do you like your name? If you weren't called by your name, what would you want to be called?
I like it now - especially paired with my middle name DAVIDA CHANEL! When I was younger I went through a phase where I wanted people to call me Davi (pronounced like Davie). I thought it would be cute to have a boy name. My family opted for the later part of my name and called me Vida - I didn't like that much until I found out vida means life in Spanish.

4. In the past year, what is the BEST recipe you made. Please share it!
Hmmmmm .... I haven't cooked much this last year which sucks because I'm a really good cook.

5. Look around - what is the nearest object or picture hanging on the wall?
I'm at work but the first thing I see is a postcard w/a Streetcar going up my street.

More...
6. What was the last movie you saw in the theater? Would you recommend it?
I saw SHUTTER ISLAND. I loved it. It wasn't the most original plot, but it was spectacular acting and cinematography. I HIGHLY recommend it ... the last line is brilliant.

7. Did you go to summer camp? Will you/do you send your kids to camp?
I went to 4H camp as a kid and yes my kids will go (my kids are going to have agendas that will include camps, lessons, classes and all the stuff I think makes life richer. Poor kids.)

8. What kind of ringtone do you have?
The regular IPhone tone.

9. Where is the farthest away from home you have ever been?
4,655 miles away (London)

10. Has anyone ever written a song or a poem for or about you?
Ummm yeah but it was kinda whack (I'm rough on that kind of stuff).

Ain't Nothing But A Number

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. ~Mark Twain

Today I was reminded more than ever that age is simply a number. My supervisor on my TV job constantly reminds me how you can reinvent yourself whenever you feel like it. I work with a 16 year old singer and her ambition and work ethic are stronger than many 45 year olds. Also I know a lot of grown men (and women) that behave like babies. And I see babies that are so full of life it is amazing.

I've decided I do not care about my calendar age at all any more. Ever since I turned 31, I get so worked up over my age and how it relates to my lifestyle. I sometimes torture myself because I'm the age I am and am not a homeowner. It annoys me sometimes that I don't have a 401K or other things people my age "should" have. When I "really" party, I party like my college days. Sometimes I get crushes on guys way too young but so what? And let's not talk about work. I work extremely hard ... when I'm working! This last year was full of gaps with no employment at all and a couple of calls home for help with bills ... at my age jeez! I digress.

Here's the thing. Life is happening every second. I've got the choice of moping because I'm old as I get older or I can simply LIVE and ENJOY. I'm opting for the latter and encourage everyone else to as well ... regardless of their age! (And on that note, shout out to my dear friends Mistie and Kendra who celebrate bdays this week! Also to my small nieces through friendship Kennedy and Amelia! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DOLLS!!!!)

Ego Trippin' ... (there may be a reason why)

I was born in the congo
I walked to the fertile crescent and built
the sphinx
I designed a pyramid so tough that a star
that only glows every one hundred years falls
into the center giving divine perfect light
I am bad

I sat on the throne
drinking nectar with allah
I got hot and sent an ice age to europe
to cool my thirst
My oldest daughter is nefertiti
the tears from my birth pains
created the nile
I am a beautiful woman

I gazed on the forest and burned
out the sahara desert
with a packet of goat's meat
and a change of clothes
I crossed it in two hours
I am a gazelle so swift
so swift you can't catch me

For a birthday present when he was three
I gave my son hannibal an elephant
He gave me rome for mother's day
My strength flows ever on

My son noah built new/ark and
I stood proudly at the helm
as we sailed on a soft summer day
I turned myself into myself and was
jesus
men atone my loving name
All praises All praises
I am the one who would save
More...
I sowed diamonds in my back yard
My bowels deliver uranium
the filings from my fingernails are
semi-precious jewels
On a trip north
I caught a cold and blew
My nose giving oil to the arab world
I am so hip even my errors are correct
I sailed west to reach east and had to round off
the earth as I went
The hair from my head thinned and gold was laid
across three continents

I am so perfect so divine so ethereal so surreal
I cannot be comprehended except by my permission

I mean...I...can fly
like a bird in the sky...

-Nikki Giovanni

Revelation: I Enjoy Being Alone

Growing up, I was often misunderstood. The best example of this is the "You know DaVida is crazy, she doesn't like people," story that is commonplace in my family. When I was like 7 or 8, I said "I hate people," and it was so totally taken out of context.

Here's what happened. It was a Saturday morning and my Grandmother told me my cousins were coming to visit. I got instantly grouchy. I did my chores but just had this attitude. My older cousin came over and asked me what was wrong. I said I just hate people. Before I could further explain, she said something was wrong with me because I was too young to hate people. She started to joke about it and my other aunt heard her and they started teasing me. Since then whenever I have an attitude, they say oh that's just DaVida, who doesn't like people.

This has been a thing I've been trying to fix since I was young. Sometimes when I really want to just be alone, I push myself to go out and do things. This usually results in some form of BS because I've got issue with the fact I'm out instead of being by myself. I never really speak up for wanting to be alone because it sounds so selfish and harsh. (Hey that sounds awesome but I'd really rather just stay in alone than hang out with you.)

I pride myself on loving people. I enjoy hanging out like no other. I'm a social butterfly. BUT sometimes I just really need and desire to be alone! As a child I LOVED my alone time. I loved to read and watch TV, two activities I've always enjoyed more alone (no interruptions). Most of the time, on the weekends that's what I got to. My Granny and I would clean up in the morning then relax all day, with great food throughout the day. That felt great and was only interrupted when people came over. I enjoyed the family gatherings...like for holidays but on the weekends I longed for that time on the weekend where you could just do what you want to do (even if that is to stay in bed or on the sofa all day).

This weekend I realized that Oprah is always saying do what you enjoyed as a child. This weekend there was 1001 great things to do in New Orleans. But all I wanted to do was eat good, clean a bit, relax and watch TV. I love people ... every job I do is people oriented and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my work and really enjoy being social with my clients, being all crazy with my students and interacting with all types of people at my production job. I just need a break from everyone every now and again (my dealings with others take a lot of energy-having time to recharge is so necessary). And that doesn't make me crazy, just misunderstood.

Whatcha Lookin' At?

I'm learning more and more everyday that most things are a matter of perspective. When it comes to appearance, personal goals and levels of success, these are all things that are measured only by the person having the experience. I had a reality check last week. I got a review from one of my jobs and the points on my appearance were quite low. I wouldn't have been as affected if the comments were not true but they were. I can be quite lazy with the way I dress or take care of my appearance. This is for many reasons (I don't want folk to think I think I'm all that, I want to be accepted for my brain not my azz and I really am a hard worker, not just some cute girl trying to get on). The problem is deep down inside I love to "shine". I want to be cute all the time and I really like to get dolled up. I just feel like it is something that should not consume me. So the realization I came to was that it only matters what I think. I KNOW who I am and Andre 3000 said it best "its not about your clothes its all about yourself". So I'm looking within to determine my look. I want my inner me to shine forth. So instead of viewing myself through the eyes of others, its time I start seeing myself as myself.