Revelation: I Enjoy Being Alone

Growing up, I was often misunderstood. The best example of this is the "You know DaVida is crazy, she doesn't like people," story that is commonplace in my family. When I was like 7 or 8, I said "I hate people," and it was so totally taken out of context.
Here's what happened. It was a Saturday morning and my Grandmother told me my cousins were coming to visit. I got instantly grouchy. I did my chores but just had this attitude. My older cousin came over and asked me what was wrong. I said I just hate people. Before I could further explain, she said something was wrong with me because I was too young to hate people. She started to joke about it and my other aunt heard her and they started teasing me. Since then whenever I have an attitude, they say oh that's just DaVida, who doesn't like people.
This has been a thing I've been trying to fix since I was young. Sometimes when I really want to just be alone, I push myself to go out and do things. This usually results in some form of BS because I've got issue with the fact I'm out instead of being by myself. I never really speak up for wanting to be alone because it sounds so selfish and harsh. (Hey that sounds awesome but I'd really rather just stay in alone than hang out with you.)
I pride myself on loving people. I enjoy hanging out like no other. I'm a social butterfly. BUT sometimes I just really need and desire to be alone! As a child I LOVED my alone time. I loved to read and watch TV, two activities I've always enjoyed more alone (no interruptions). Most of the time, on the weekends that's what I got to. My Granny and I would clean up in the morning then relax all day, with great food throughout the day. That felt great and was only interrupted when people came over. I enjoyed the family gatherings...like for holidays but on the weekends I longed for that time on the weekend where you could just do what you want to do (even if that is to stay in bed or on the sofa all day).
This weekend I realized that Oprah is always saying do what you enjoyed as a child. This weekend there was 1001 great things to do in New Orleans. But all I wanted to do was eat good, clean a bit, relax and watch TV. I love people ... every job I do is people oriented and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my work and really enjoy being social with my clients, being all crazy with my students and interacting with all types of people at my production job. I just need a break from everyone every now and again (my dealings with others take a lot of energy-having time to recharge is so necessary). And that doesn't make me crazy, just misunderstood.


enorman said...

We are 2 peas in a pod! I LOVE being alone and my family used to always just say, "she's such a Gemini", not really understanding me. I think when we take time to be alone and be by ourselves, it allows us to reflect and grow without the pressure or commentary from others. Plus, we come back to the world refreshed and renewed. Take all the time you need sister. I'll always be here when you're ready to be social again. LOL! ;)

Last name: Ever said...

fear is what caused me to think that i should not be alone. fear and the thought of what others expected from me. siblings, cousins, uncles, parents all expected me to show up at whatever function with the "bad chick" on my arm. and showing up alone meant i was being a playa. knowing inside that I'm a loner i felt to keep that image everyone enjoyed, i'd have to have somebody there. well things have happened in 2010 that have brought me to where i am right now and the way i see it being for some time to come. "Nothin to do, nowhere to be, a simple little kind of free" -J.M.-. One.

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