I Was Jus' Playing

As a child, I had a very vivid imagination. I loved to make up stories - especially about myself. I remember telling a classmate, Peter, that I was bi-racial and that my parents were both bad asses that hooked up. I told him my father was the "red-headed stepchild" of the family that owned Godchaux's - a really nice department store in Baton Rouge (later it became Maison Blanche and was bought out by Dillard's). Peter believed that story for some time until the other kids that knew my family told him otherwise. These stories were always very elaborate and well planned out. When my grandmother and aunts would hear my tales, they were not impressed and I'd get in trouble for lying. Since I knew I was just playing, I figured that playing got me in trouble so I stopped playing around and became a very serious person.

As I got older, my playfulness that I attempted to repress would appear through random acts of defiance and disobedience. Once I cut my hair which was way past the small of my back into a choppy bob (think Jack-O-Lantern); another time I ran away from college to go hang out with my friends who were on academic suspension; I entered pageants and while dressed gorgeously in my gowns, I'd say ghetto catchphrases that would get the crowd hyped up (I was keeping it real before J-Lo!). The older I got, the more random and "dangerous" my outbursts would become. When I came to L.A. I was extremely focused on my career with little time for fun. My life became dark for a while because I sought out alcohol, sex, and even drugs to find my fun. I convinced myself that I was a responsible user (does that even exist) and that I had everything under control since I was just having fun. I kept these escapades from my long term friends and to my new friends I just assumed a new persona. Things were "good" for a while.

But at the end of the day, I recognized that these activities were not real fun and I was really desiring the childlike fun I had cut off so long ago. Story telling, dramatizing, public speaking and participating in those type of activities were the joy I truly sought. My inner kid was once again shut down and she wanted to play! I began to give her more fun activities - I joined book clubs, did the Artist Way, found a church where I could volunteer with kids, and began just being more authentic all the time. As a result, I've attracted people into my world that appreciate my type of fun! People that are more reminiscent of my core friends from college, Purdue and law school - people that are just as playful as I am! Now things are more balanced. I changed my living environment - I moved in with a friend who is a writer so she's naturally creative and artistic. My friends are extremely gifted and talented (let's see there's an actress, an online magazine editor, a future DJ and a couple dancer chicks). I'm even working on creating a short film project so I can "officially" tell my stories and play out loud.

Last week, I met a new playmate. She threw a dress up party on Friday night and I got to really go play by dressing up and letting myself be free to be me. Playing is fun and I'm giving myself the opportunity to relax and have some fun!