6.30.2008

Learning to Walk

At some point when we are babies, we decide to roll over onto our bellies, put our knees and hands on to the ground and crawl to get around. Eventually we decide to raise up from our hands, take some steps and walk. We probably fall - or our parents screaming scaring us but eventually we try it again and the baby steps give way to real steps and we walk. At some point during those early stages of walking we might feel like we've got it down pat and then we encounter stairs, things on the floor, pets and other obstacles. But did we stop walking and say forget that I give up? Nope, eventually we got up and tried again.

I have come to a realization that the way we learn to walk is much like we should approach the big huge challenges and obstacles we face in pursuit of our dreams. Our dreams come to us in different ways - for me at some point I got a vision that I should be in Los Angeles with the stars. The vision was very vague in the beginning - I could just see myself amongst the people I saw on TV. As time went on this vision got more specific and stronger. I had no idea what these things even meant at the time because I was at Purdue working in the athletic department.

When I did finally get the guts to move to L.A. in 2005 equipped with a law degree and tons of how to make it in hollywood type books, I was on very shaky ground (sort of like a baby taking that first step). I didn't have a place of my own, I had to work at a bar I didn't particularly love and I was getting rejected time and time again for the jobs I applied for - I was constantly falling down but something kept forcing me to get back up and try it again. I finally got a job in the business and got my walk on.

As time went on, my vision began to increase even more and I felt as if I were farther away from where I wanted to be - or to be more specific, farther away from what I was seeing in these visions. In the meantime, I just kept grinding and working - not without complaint, in fact kicking and screaming the entire way. But now I finally feel it is all coming together. Like a child I took some small steps one step at a time and now I feel I'm finally able to say I can walk in this Hollywood game. I have worked for the best in talent management and just accepted a job working for another leader in the game. This next job will be the most challenging of my life, but I look forward to it. EVERYTHING I've experienced in my career has seemed like the most challenging moment of my life at the time but using the step by step approach, I walked through it. We walk by faith and not by sight and my career is a prime example of that motto. I've only had this vision guiding me - true I doubt it a lot when the times are hard, but I have no choice but to go after it ... I have no choice because I REALLY see the vision as clear as day. Even when I try to veer from it, it literally pulls me back.

I encourage anyone that has or has ever had some vision or dream to go after it. Take a step in the direction of your dreams. God gives us the desires of our heart meaning He has placed them there. And what kind of God would place such strong desires in our heart that we can not achieve? It just takes a tiny step - I think my first step was as simple as buying a Hollywood career book - to start the greatest journey of our lives. That journey is the pursuit of a dream. There is nothing like it!

Because Screwed and Chopped Go Harder

Here's a clip of Lil'Wayne's 3 Peat screwed and chopped. It goes so hard that I had to share. I've always liked screw because I feel like you can here the raw emotion and intent of the artist.

6.27.2008

Something Fun!

I went to an event last night. It was an event to promote yoga month in September. AIt was sponsored by VibeHolistic and held at the Chakra Center in Marina del Rey. The entire event was very holistic - they served yummy vegetarian food and helathy juice. There were massages and even a henna artist. So I decided to get some henna!

6.25.2008

Great Quote

"If you trust life and learn to embrace it and try not to control everything, then life can be more wondrous than you thought it would be."
— Sarah Ban Breathnach, author of Simply Abundance

I guess letting go of control is the theme for the day right now!

6.23.2008

What Are You Thinking?

I was reminded of my time at Plaquemine Jr. High. I had an English teacher who made us learn and recite poetry that was meant to inspire. She was very dramatic - one day when the class was completely quiet she broke out into INVICTUS. At the time, I thought this was just something to do. I enjoyed it because I liked to speak at church and all, but I didn't really get it. Now that I'm older, I realize that all the poems were meant to give us some hope. WOW! This teacher had us speaking things into existence back then and we didn't even know. I wanted to share one of those poems with you guys. What do you think!?!?! I'm training myself to think and know I can ...

The Man Who Thinks He Can
Walter D. Wintle
If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don't;
If you'd like to win, but think you can't,
It's almost a cinch you won't.
If you think you'll lose, you're lost,
For out in the word we find
Success begins with a fellow's will,
It's all in the state of mind.
If you think you're outcasted, you are;
You've got to think high to rise.
You've got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.
Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man;
But soon or late the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.

6.21.2008

You With Me?

All my life I've had issues with friends. Growing up I was a bit different than the other girls and in retrospect, I realize I just wanted to fit in. I always felt like no one really got me. I am extremely social so I always had people around me but never really felt the close connection. I did make a couple of friends along the way - true friends - but when I'd lose one, it would hurt tremendously. Even if that person wasn't really down for me or truly on my team, the fact that we would stop being friends would replay over and over and over again. I try to act like I'm good but when it gets to the point where I grow apart from people it tears me up inside ... like I think I'm better than them or something because I'm leaving. I don't like that feeling so my first reaction is to fight to keep the people near me. Eventually they leave and I move on. The reason I'm able to move on is because of the support of REAL friends - the tried and true ones, the ones that have been and continue to go through this drama filled ride of the life of DaVida. I'm a handful, but my real true friends are always there with me!
They have been there through one too many haircuts - some amazing, some not so cute. They have experienced Matt, Jeff Jones and the slew of other "but I really really love him" that come and go. They know that although I seem to be (and often say that I am) so hard and tough on the exterior, I am soft as hell inside. They know the real me and they don't seem scared or try to change me. They feel my pain for not having a dad in my life and they know my issues with self worth and loneliness. They know I can bs with the best of 'em and they know I am as real as real gets even when I seem to be in a fantasy world - they get the complex reality of me. They have been there for the Atkins, South Beach and "just don't eat anything after 7" diets and sometimes hop on board with me. They are my wingman when I've had one too many drinks and all I want to do is fall in love at the club. They are my support system when another one of my ideas has not quite panned out. They are there to help me pick up the pieces when another psuedo-friend has let me down and I feel like crap. They help me see me as they have all along.
I want to thank my friends simply for being them. I want them to know that my rants about being totally alone in the world doesn't apply to them - I know that when the world seems to have turned their back that they are there. I want them to know in their hearts that I do truly love them because they are amazing. I want them to know that the logic behind me is that I surround myself with people I want to be like - I admire my friends and hope to one day become as wonderful as they are.
So to the a few of the old ones -
KARLA - Thanks for sharing your life, heart and home with me on not one but several occasions; thank you for always being positive and no matter what your own individual self - you teach me to be me no matter how the world perceives it AND you constantly remind me that when you put out good, that's all the world will see.
MISTIE - Thanks for being like a sister (dang we've got the battle scars to prove it right?); for teaching me true forgiveness and that sometimes friendship is worth it; for teaching me that it is okay to be more accepting in life; that being friends doesn't mean blind allegience ... even when one friend kind of demands it
ALICIA - Thanks for being so faithful; for reminding me that in light of all that is going on around us that God is always in control
KACY - Thanks for law school and the recognition that a couple happy hours doesn't diminish intelligence; for almost always being on the same page and realizing that vacationing doesn't always mean being in the club; and thanks for reminding me that there is always room for a little self discipline and restraint
And the new ones -
CHANTE - Thanks for showing me that sometimes it is okay to just simply eat and enjoy the dayum cake and that God does heal and change things; thank you for showing me what real rock bottom is and being there with me when I feel that my reality is just that
ERIN - Thanks for showing me that it is possible to stay truly positive all the time no matter what is going on around you
ROBIN - Thanks for reminding me that I might just be a caterpillar about to bloom into a butterfly and for reminding me that true love and friendship can happen across the miles
BIANCA - Thanks for teaching me that communication is key in friendship and for showing me that talent still requires work
SCOTT - Thanks for teaching me that a man can be my friend and see the good in me without sleeping me with me (LMAO! Even though I know how I am on that Patron!)
I thank every friend I have past and present that have all taught me one very important lesson - acceptance. Everyone listed and those who aren't on the list but in my heart are people that truly accept me everyday. I am grateful for you all and thank you for being my friend! REAL friend. I am NEVER alone!

6.18.2008

Shoes, Drugs, Money and Floating - Dream Interpretation 101

I'm on a 21 day cleanse and am using it as a time to become more spiritually aware and more in touch with myself. I am a bit of an emotional eater and drinker and can use food and alcohol as vices sometimes. Not being able to eat my trigger foods causes me to really look at what is happening in my life and find real solutions to my problems ... well not "find" more like let the solutions unfold.
Some of the material I'm reading suggests writing down your dreams and interpreting them to reveal what is happening on the inside spiritually. I've tried this exercise before but I often can't remember enough details of the dreams. I've been consistently writing for a couple of weeks and have found the writing helps me to remember.
On Saturday night I had a weird dream. I was out somewhere with Mistie and her boyfriend and every table had boxes of free shoes. The shoes seemed like Converse All Stars but the brand name/logo were different. They were weird, all sorts of random colors. While searching for a pair that fit, I kept putting on all these different shoes that were way too big. It was weird because the picture on the box was one look and my size, but the shoe would be totally different. I got tired of shoes and opened a random CD case and it was full of cocaine. Then other CD cases started to appear. It was really weird and random but I then remember the scene cutting to a huge pool party. Mistie and I can't swim and always discuss it. I was telling her just do it you are athletic you'll be okay and there's too many people here to let you drown. She hopped in the water and kept bobbing up and down - not drowning but not quite swimming. She gets out fully dressed and drenched and told me to get in because she wanted to see how my feet go when I glide. So I did - I got in, kicked off the wall and glided across the pool (I know how to do this in real life). When I got to the other side I just started floating all over the pool. I got out when some other friends came walking over and we all started hanging out like a party.
No big until last night's dream. I dreamed about swimming and cocaine again. I dreamed that my friend Scott and I went to someone's house to return some stuff I had for her. After we finished we were going to go to his house and he'd teach me to swim so I was wearing a swimsuit. While doing something Scott asked me for a dollar. When I looked into my wallet, all of the dollar bills were rolled up as if they had been used to snort cocaine. I handed him one and sheepishly said this isn't my money. He unrolled a bill and huge pieces of cocaine began to fall from the dollar. I scooped it into a wooden box and kept it moving. He said what's up with that and I responded that I wanted to give everything back with the money and changed the subject. (Now initially this wasn't that weird to me because I read a script at work yesterday and when surrounded by drugs the main character scooped some into a wooden box.)
Today my boss is out of town and I am B O R E D - I have stuff to do but I don't want to (reading at your super quiet desk seems simple enough but I can't concentrate for shit today). Luckily google is amazing - I googled dream interpretations drugs and the following research project ensued:
  • Shoes - If a woman dreams about shoes, this dream is usually connected with her love life. Trying on different pairs of shoes means, that she is looking for a partner or deciding about a partner. In other cases, shoes symbolize errands we run every day. Putting on a comfortable pair of shoes is a good omen saying that you are going to have success. Having very tight shoes on means that you feel uncomfortable in the current situation, or you are going to have some small difficulties ahead. Finding a shoe in the dream indicates that you will meet a stranger. If you are giving a pair of shoes away, it means that you want to get rid of a person, or that person is going to leave you soon. If you buy a pair of shoes, it means that you have a long way to go in order to achieve your goals. Looking at old worn-down shoes is a warning to pay more attention and care to solve an unpleasant matter. Worn-down shoes also could possibly mean your dissatisfaction and unhappiness in the present situation; or they also might imply that to be with your old partner is more comfortable and secure than to look for a new one.
  • Drugs - If you use drugs rarely or never, then this dream could represent a need to get well, to escape from daily stress, and a desire to get quick relief. The drugs could be suggesting a need for healing and getting in balance. Your unconscious mind may be suggesting outrageous things in hopes that you get the message to "have fun, dream dreams, and get out of your own head!" Please keep in mind that the purpose of dreams is to raise our consciousness and to assist us in having better lives. The message in the dream about drug use is most likely not encouraging you to use drugs but it may represent a need to feel better or get better.
  • Money - Money can be lost, gained, or spent in dreaming. Dreams about money are often really about power, control, and competency. Many people who dream about money are controlled by it-the desire for it, the lack of it, or the inability to control themselves with it. This last category is seen most clearly in money dreams experienced by people who re drowning in debt.
  • Floating - To dream that you are floating, implies acceptance, letting go of your problems or worries and just going with the flow. You are experiencing new-found freedom. It also signifies that you will prove victorious in your obstacles that may presently seem overwhelming.
Hmmm, now knowing what these things generally symbolize in dreams is quite interesting and they really do apply to my current situation.
  • I have recently admitted to myself that I want badly to be in love and in a serious relationship. I went out with a guy locally that was really a nice guy but nothing really came of it. I met a guy I REALLY like but he lives really far and has been M.I.A. for a while so I'm not sure what is up with that. There was this other guy I never really liked like that but always kind of thought we could "possibly" end up together but I know for a fact now it is not a possibility. It has been bothering me because I really want a love relationship but I haven't really been speaking on it.
  • I do feel some need for a quick fix - I feel like I have to resolve my issues with my money, career and relationships to have a happier existence. Lately I've been really dealing with wanting to get and feel better.
  • I do feel that lately money is becoming the controlling point of my life. I do not worship money but my lack of money is causing me to feel trapped and hard pressed to make something and fast! I am at a loss and every night before I go to sleep I literally just cry because I can not believe I am in this situation I pray every night that I can just accept it all and just be free.

Is that what the floating signifies?!?!?!?! Maybe I can't see it yet but a breakthrough is coming and I'll get some freedom? I like the sound of that! Tonight instead of crying before bed, I'll just remember the picture in my head of me floating across that pool - no worries, no drama, no money, no illness ... just floating! Maybe God is speaking to me through my dreams and maybe this is all just some coincidence. Either way, I'm willing and ready to start relying on the power greater than myself. I'm also down to get my behind in some water and FAST to realize how freeing floating can be.

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