All my life I've had issues with friends. Growing up I was a bit different than the other girls and in retrospect, I realize I just wanted to fit in. I always felt like no one really got me. I am extremely social so I always had people around me but never really felt the close connection. I did make a couple of friends along the way - true friends - but when I'd lose one, it would hurt tremendously. Even if that person wasn't really down for me or truly on my team, the fact that we would stop being friends would replay over and over and over again. I try to act like I'm good but when it gets to the point where I grow apart from people it tears me up inside ... like I think I'm better than them or something because I'm leaving. I don't like that feeling so my first reaction is to fight to keep the people near me. Eventually they leave and I move on. The reason I'm able to move on is because of the support of REAL friends - the tried and true ones, the ones that have been and continue to go through this drama filled ride of the life of DaVida. I'm a handful, but my real true friends are always there with me!
They have been there through one too many haircuts - some amazing, some not so cute. They have experienced Matt, Jeff Jones and the slew of other "but I really really love him" that come and go. They know that although I seem to be (and often say that I am) so hard and tough on the exterior, I am soft as hell inside. They know the real me and they don't seem scared or try to change me. They feel my pain for not having a dad in my life and they know my issues with self worth and loneliness. They know I can bs with the best of 'em and they know I am as real as real gets even when I seem to be in a fantasy world - they get the complex reality of me. They have been there for the Atkins, South Beach and "just don't eat anything after 7" diets and sometimes hop on board with me. They are my wingman when I've had one too many drinks and all I want to do is fall in love at the club. They are my support system when another one of my ideas has not quite panned out. They are there to help me pick up the pieces when another psuedo-friend has let me down and I feel like crap. They help me see me as they have all along.
I want to thank my friends simply for being them. I want them to know that my rants about being totally alone in the world doesn't apply to them - I know that when the world seems to have turned their back that they are there. I want them to know in their hearts that I do truly love them because they are amazing. I want them to know that the logic behind me is that I surround myself with people I want to be like - I admire my friends and hope to one day become as wonderful as they are.
So to the a few of the old ones -
KARLA - Thanks for sharing your life, heart and home with me on not one but several occasions; thank you for always being positive and no matter what your own individual self - you teach me to be me no matter how the world perceives it AND you constantly remind me that when you put out good, that's all the world will see.
MISTIE - Thanks for being like a sister (dang we've got the battle scars to prove it right?); for teaching me true forgiveness and that sometimes friendship is worth it; for teaching me that it is okay to be more accepting in life; that being friends doesn't mean blind allegience ... even when one friend kind of demands it
ALICIA - Thanks for being so faithful; for reminding me that in light of all that is going on around us that God is always in control
KACY - Thanks for law school and the recognition that a couple happy hours doesn't diminish intelligence; for almost always being on the same page and realizing that vacationing doesn't always mean being in the club; and thanks for reminding me that there is always room for a little self discipline and restraint
And the new ones -
CHANTE - Thanks for showing me that sometimes it is okay to just simply eat and enjoy the dayum cake and that God does heal and change things; thank you for showing me what real rock bottom is and being there with me when I feel that my reality is just that
ERIN - Thanks for showing me that it is possible to stay truly positive all the time no matter what is going on around you
ROBIN - Thanks for reminding me that I might just be a caterpillar about to bloom into a butterfly and for reminding me that true love and friendship can happen across the miles
BIANCA - Thanks for teaching me that communication is key in friendship and for showing me that talent still requires work
SCOTT - Thanks for teaching me that a man can be my friend and see the good in me without sleeping me with me (LMAO! Even though I know how I am on that Patron!)
I thank every friend I have past and present that have all taught me one very important lesson - acceptance. Everyone listed and those who aren't on the list but in my heart are people that truly accept me everyday. I am grateful for you all and thank you for being my friend! REAL friend. I am NEVER alone!