Misunderstood

Sometimes my own insecurities and personal dramas can cloud the way a situation is really happening. I have been observing my behavior lately and I've figured out a pattern. I tend to think that because I feel a certain way everyone must be feeling/thinking the same way.

My subconscious tendency is to always think I'm doing something wrong or I have done something wrong (I guess from getting fussed at a lot as a kid). Anyway, so I'm carrying around these feelings of angst because I feel "bad"deep inside and my internal recording keeps playing those messages over and over. So I'll run into another person who is in their own world doing their own thing. Well if our interaction is not especially positive, I "feel" is directed towards me, I'll simply add that to my feelings of "bad".

There is always good in every experience though. After noticing this behavior in myself I decided instead of just carrying around these bad feelings, I'll discuss them with the person on the other side of the thing to discover if it is truly happening the way I perceive or if there is something else going on. On Friday/Saturday a situation with a "friend" made me uncomfortable. In the kindest, but most direct way I could muster I stated my problem. He got upset ... actually MAD. He said some mean things and I took it. I politely said I think we're definitely on different pages and to do him and I'll do me. DONE. Then yesterday I had an incident with a "Friend." Something happened and I felt instantly bad. I didn't know whether this situation had anything to do with me, but I "felt" like it did. I couldn't get in touch with said Friend until this morning. I told them what I "felt" once again in the kindest most direct way I could muster. This time something was different. The Friend listened. I know she heard me and "felt" where I was coming from, then she responded. The friend from the weekend never got where I was coming from - he didn't listen before he responded. He took my comments very personally and responded with personal attacks. My Friend from last night took my comments in an objective manner and responded with honesty and kindness.

The lesson - all I can do is be me and move in a kind, peaceful and direct manner at all times. Sometimes, I'm going to have to confront situations head on, not sidestepping attempting to avoid confrontation or disapproval. Some people will respond in the manner I approach them in, some people won't. I can't make anyone do anything, I can't change them. I can only change and control my own actions. I will be misunderstood sometimes and that is okay - I do not have to fit or become someones misunderstanding of who I am or am becoming. There is comfort in that.