Love ... Actually Serious Like

About a year ago, I sat myself down and said I had to make a change in my quest for love. I've always wanted to "be in love" but wasn't sure I was going about it the right way. I was quite confused on "how" to love and more importantly, how to let myself be loved. I realized I needed help on the situation so I prayed about it. I was led to a book called "Calling In The One" and a group of friends and I dedicated 40 days to becoming more knowledgeable on what it means to love. I felt the book was great and I began to deal in life as if it were possible that I would be able to experience love.
I have met someone who I feel has been sent to teach me about accepting love and opening myself up to displaying love. He's great and the universe has made some situations occur to cause us to be in the same place at the same time. I enjoy his time so much but last night he showed again how easy and freeing it is can be for me to relinquish my desire to control everything. I let him select the movie we'd watch for the evening and he came through.
While I am highly into film and television, there are tons of movies I've never seen. Last night he introduced me to LOVE ACTUALLY. If you have not seen this movie I highly recommend it. It is great and is a holiday movie so the timing was perfect! I absolutely loved it. But what I enjoyed more was the way he was reacting to me watching this movie. I am not always connected to how people are responding to me - I'm generally more clued into my own insecurities and issues and assuming everyone else is too. But with him, I feel more concerned with being in the moment and going with the flow. He makes that extremely easy.
I'm not sure what this will evolve into and I do not care. I'm not focused on the outcome, I'm just enjoying the experience. No manipulation, no elevated expectations, no "making" him do anything, no concern for how it is viewed by others. Just enjoying him and being open to what might come ... I'm actually excited, intrigued and invigorated by it.
I think this is some serious like ...


Embracing the Alter Ego

Alter ego is defined as another side of oneself or a second self. Some psychologists believe everyone has an alter ego and have often spoke of this "second self" as a negative (think Dr. Jeckyll/Mr. Hyde). I'm not looking to discover a negative persona or something that will work against me, I am looking for that positive alter ego.
I am a fan of Beyonce. I think when she is on stage performing, she is a beast and there are few that can rival her energy and dedication. I mean how many other performers have we seen take falls and bounce back as if nothing even happened? It has always been clear to me that something takes over her when she is performing because in interviews, she does not possess that same power. Yes, she is always beautiful and all, but not that girl that gets off on stage. She had spoke of this alter ego Sasha taking over in the past. Now her new album lets the Sasha Fierce out.I need to develop my own sort of Sasha Fierce ... that side of me that will take over when my insecurities or issues stand to hold the talented side of me back. Beyonce represents that to me.
The Sasha doesn't give her something that she doesn't possess - she is clearly that performer inside and out. What I do think happens is that the Sasha doesn't let the Beyonce stuff get in the way. The Sasha is uninhibited and just goes after it. The Sasha allows her to shine. I feel like I'm rambling so I'll wrap it up by saying that I need to find that part of myself that steps up when necessary so I can shine. That side that doesn't get caught up in what isn't and just goes after what I know I am capable of. I want my alter ego to step up and show out at the necessary moments. I want my alter ego to show up so that the goodness of DaVida can rise to the top of its game.



I haven't written in a while because I'm unsure what to share. There is a big thing going on in my world right now ... I'm just not able to wrap myself around it enough to share. I did make a decision as far as my career/life - I'm going to take a break from the job hunt until after New Year's. The entertainment industry generally shuts down during this time and completely closes the last two weeks of the year, so I'm going to chill out. I'm getting rid of the things that keep me held in a particular place and being open to whatever is going to happen. I'm going to make sure my car is in good condition and hit the open highway. Exciting!



New to my blog is a feature I like to call "F*&# That Fridays". Here I will share my most current issues with the world around me. Here I will share MY opinions on things in the world. While I welcome comments (always) these are just things the way I see them (the joy of having your own place on the web to say whatever you choose is AMAZING). So with no further ado, the first installment of F*#& That Fridays.

This week was huge for America with the election of Barack Obama! How exciting a time for people in this country. In a land that is plagued by its history of slavery and bondage of certain groups of people, we have overcome by electing the son of a black man and a white woman. Ahhh, we are making progress ... well we are in some ways. Discrimination is still alive and well - F*&# discrimination!

Discrimination is defined as unfair treatment of a person or group on the basis of prejudice. How is it okay to discriminate against gays ESPECIALLY by minority groups and religious factions who have BOTH been discriminated against? F*&@ THAT! How can one after another religious leader get on TV and say that their belief in God gives them the right to stop gay people from getting married? Huh? I know that everyone has different religious beliefs but at the core of EVERY religion is a message of love from God. I do not claim to know everything but I have no qualms about sharing my knowledge that GOD CREATED EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING!GOD IS IN EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING ... EVEN THE GAY PEOPLE! AND SHOCKINGLY GOD LOVES EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING!

I am straight and plan to one day share my life with my soul mate. What if I happen to fall in love with a white man who beats the crap out of me every other night? That would be a legally accepted union. I could marry a black man and we could cheat on each other and have kids outside of our relationship and the law would support that union as a marriage too. I could also fall in love with and legally marry a child molester and that would be legal and okay. BUT if my sister ends up growing up gay (which there is no indication that she is not into boys, in fact it seems as if she is quite into boys but I digress) and falls in love with a great, law abiding woman who is kind, compassionate, caring and her soul mate that is NOT okay? Or my friend who is definitely gay can attend the weddings of each of his friends throughout his lifetime but can never legally marry the love of his life. REALLY?And that's not discrimination? F*&@ THAT!

Discrimination in America is WRONG regardless of your reasons behind it. It is inappropriate on all fronts. Before you discriminate against any group of people, look at your life and look at your history - it is likely that someone with your gender, race, religious background, sexual preference, academic record, socio-economic status, etc. has been discriminated against. Don't be the victim who abuses because he's been abused. That is not progress ...

I Feel It Changing ...

Sometimes, I can random things on a whim. One night after working a double back at good ole' Joe's Crab Shack, I decided I wanted a tattoo on my wrist of an infinity symbol. In the profound moment of me doing my closing chores, I decided that there was a certain flow to life. Sometimes things would be good and sometimes they wouldn't, but for the infinite time I would exist, this cycle would continue and I wanted a visible symbol to remind me of this fact. I got this tattoo in 2004. It is on the inside of my left wrist and it is pretty small but is definitely there.
I was reminded of why I got this tattoo tonight. I went out to a mixer with a couple of friends and as I was enjoying my drink, I caught a glimpse of my tattoo. I realized in that moment of hanging out with great friends and at this amazing bar that everything ALWAYS works out for me just right. The thing is though, I ALWAYS feel like I am done just before it gets better. It is like how dark it gets right before the morning comes. Lately it has been pretty dark, but I feel it changing now. I believe the sun is going to shine soon.
What makes me feel this way? I can't quite call it but it reminds me of one of my favorite N*E*R*D song. To quote my dear Pharrell, "Sometimes you gotta realize where you are in your life in order to feel good and I feel good baby!" I feel so good and I just kind of know that things are getting better.



I am beyond estastic! Barack Obama is the overwhelming choice for the 44th President of the United States. His election was historic and monumental on so many levels and I am in AWE! I find it difficult to write everything I'm feeling right now. I am filled with so much emotion that I find myself without words to express how grateful I am for his election. I know that there is much work ahead and I know it will not be easy, but I believe in this country again. I believe in what America stand for again. I believe in myself as an American and how we all serve a purpose in making our country a better place again. My patriotism seems appropriate again. Everyday is a good day, but today is an especially good day.


Big Sista' Blues

I have a little sister who is 15. She is very different personality wise than I am ... and from the stories I've heard, she's a lot like my mom was at her age (and she has two step sisters and she's alot like the bitchy one). She had a myspace page and it was fine - it was cute and "appropriate" UNTIL she put up some pictures recently. I was HOT - she was wearing one of those swimsuits that was popular last summer the kind like this picture.

I got mad when I saw the inappropriate pictures but not just at her but more so at my mom - why the hell would you buy that for your 15 year old and let her wear it!!!! So I told on her. All hell broke loose because my mom got mad because her pictures were online. I'm mad because my mom doesn't get why I'm mad - that she bought the suit in the first place. And my sister is mad because I "snitched" on her. ARGH! That's why you should have your kids closer together in age. Obviously my loyalty is to my sister which is why I told in the first place but it is difficult to be her friend because she's freakin' 15 and her judgement is sometimes questionable.

Am I a snitch? Little sisters let me know ... don't be too hard on me though. I'm trying to be the more responsible one ;)


Hold the Vision

I am a HUGE college football fan. My favorite conferences are the SEC and Big Ten and I'm not so fond of the Big 12. Actually, the Big 12 is ok ... I just have a "thing" with UT. I think that Texas is overrated across the board in athletics and that in general they just act as if they are the best but are not. It is definitely a DaVida thing because most people love the University of Texas.
Today was a great day. I got to chill out all day. I watched a movie and then it was time for FOOTBALL. No. 1 UT was set to play No. 7 Texas Tech - both teams were undefeated going into today so this was THE game to watch. Going into halftime Texas Tech was up 22-6 but UT wasn't going out without a fight. With less than a minute left to go in the game, they were up by one touchdown. Texas Tech remained calm and with 8 seconds left, quarterback Graham Harrell connected with Michael Crabtree - he caught the 28 yard pass and ran it in for the TD! Texas Tech defeats the Longhorns YAY! But it was in the after game interview when the deeper meaning came to pass.
When the reporter asked Crabtree about the catch, he said "I know you won't believe me but I dreamed this. I saw it happen before it did!" WOW!
I often hear athletes or successful people say that they were able to see something happen before it actually happened in the physical. Crabtree was basically testifying to the spiritual principle of visioning. While visualization is a mental process governed by the reasoning or conscious mind, visioning is a spiritual process governed by intuition (the subconscious mind). Visualization kind of keeps us limited by our issues. Visioning doesn't care about the "what ifs" or the "I can't do that's". Visioning occurs for the child who grows up in poverty and lack of education to one day have a PhD. It can be seen in the stories of people who receive a high accolade and in their acceptance speech they say something like I always saw myself doing this. Visioning is what Crabtree discussed in his interview with the reporter tonight.
I've always had a vision of what my life would look like. That vision definitely didn't include unemployment and confusion over my next steps at the age of 32. But the good thing about visioning is that no matter what you hold the vision. When Texas Tech was down by a touchdown, Crabtree didn't focus on that, he just held onto his vision. His sharing of his dream with the reporter reminded me not to focus on what is going on around me right now. I have a vision that has been with me for as long as I can remember. It is my job to hold that vision no matter what and that is exactly what I plan to do.
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