How Could I Forget

I FINALLY got an IPhone!!! Time to replace the "What I Want Now" Photo on the right ...

Hmmmm, what do I want now?!?!?

She's Finer Than A ...

This is turning out to be a well deserved, relaxing Sunday :) I'm working on my projects and apparently having a day of postings about celebrities.

My first job in Hollywood was being an assistant to Vincent Cirrincione, a taent manager whose clients include Halle Berry and Taraji P. Henson. Ms. Berry is a WONDERFUL woman, ridiculously beautiful and genuine - her beauty is only overshadowed by her REAL kindness and warmth. She would literally SHINE everytime I saw her. When I moved to Louisiana and heard the Hurricane Chris song "She's Fine", I was appalled. I immediately called Vince - surely some copyright infringement or use of her name liability was in play - I wanted to let him know ASAP so he could call the lawyers! How dare this rapper kid use her name. That's how I can sometimes be - wanting every thing in order, no room for any inappropriateness, especially when it comes to my career (I'm sure I've written before about how I never knew how to just be out in L.A. because I didn't want to risk looking a certain way because of the implications to my career). But then I see the YouTube clip of her on Ellen and I realized that sometimes you just have to let the need to control everything go and just have fun with life. It appears she embraced the song and had really had fun with it! I mean with further thought, how could you not have fun with the fact there is a song (with matching dance) that only expresses how fine you are!?!?!! And the best part was she can really do the dance! I learned a lot from Ms. Berry - first from a distance as a fan and then up close while working with Vince. Today I realize she's still teaching me lessons ... this one is to relax a bit and enjoy the spoils of your career!

My New Thing With Angie ...

I admit it - I have a very short list of girl crushes. Its nothing big, maybe 5 or so women that I crush on. My crushes are more about how I love something about their style or career more so than OMG I want to like sleep w/her LOL!. I have accepted myself for it, admitted I kinda like some girls and it is okay! LOL! But I digress ...

I randomly caught the E! True Hollywood Story of one of my crushes on Friday. It was the story of Angelina Jolie. After tuning in for an hour, I figured out my attraction to Ms. Jolie Pitt - she's a real life transformer! Angelina has played all types of roles - everything from a supermodel to a superhero to a biracial woman - and has had phenomenal acclaim for her work. She is a great actress and I have always been a fan of her career. I must admit, I've judged her for her relationship choices. I've heard myself say she's a home wrecker and things of that nature on several occasions. I've also wondered about her whole "now I'm a humanitarian thing". I've always wondered if the motivation behind her good works was authentic. After watching the show, I now see that she has transformed several times since I first saw her in "Gia" - each time revealing more of who she really is.

I saw her story in a different light when watching the show. Of course we'll never know what REALLY goes on with the folk on screen, but it appears to me now that her transitions in relationships as well as her humanitarian efforts are a result of real change and evolution within herself. Watching the footage of she and Billy Bob was very interesting. It seemed as if they were TRULY in love - I saw that when he was with her he was able to step into himself and live life on his terms (I saw the same in her). The behavior I used to view as weird or crazy now appeared to be just two people who totally accepted each other for who they were. The show talked about how when she met Maddox, her life changed and her new goal was to become a mother. After adopting her son, I recognized a change occurred in her, making her priorities a little different. What I admire most was that when she changed and her partner didn't, it appears the relationship just ended. I didn't see her holding on or fighting to keep him - it seems like she just allowed what was to be (now obviously we don't know the inside scoop but that's how it looked on this show).
The show went on to briefly talk about how she and Brad Pitt got together. The media coverage made me feel like OMG, Angelina took that woman's husband! I got a different feeling when watching the E! THS. After watching the show, I now feel that his marriage was over and he found in her a mate who was on the same page as he was. I admire her because once he was divorced she didn't let what other people thought about her situation affect if she was going to go after what she wanted or not (and it appears he stepped more into himself as a result of the process). The two have been doing so much good work - on screen and off - it just makes me feel like their union is a real one.
The thing that resonated most with me about Angelina from watching this show was that at no point did she shy away from who she was becoming at the time. She allowed whatever was happening with her to just happen. In the world of Hollyweird image can be everything and many people seek their image from trends that occur outside of themselves. Angelina's image seems to come from within - whether it was a wild and crazy girl in the beginning of her career to an activist and humanitarian now. Authentic change and transformation does come from within and my new thing with Angie forces me to not judge her anymore. I must simply sit back and wait for the next stage of her evolution.


Where The Magic Happens

Okay ...

As you know, the plan for the weekend was organizing my office space. The intent was to create a space where I felt inspired to well create. I wanted a room where I felt comfortable being me and pursuing my artistic endeavors. Well here goes ...

Now, a few things. My goal was to do a huge Molly Sims inspired wall mural for the main wall. On Saturday morning my co-worker who knew I was going to do art this weekend, got me a surprise. He bought me a 2 pack of canvases to help with my day. I decided to use those instead for over my computer cart. I went with two verbs I really want to implement into everything I create - LOVE because w/o love what's the point? And SHINE because I think if I allow myself to step out of my self-implemented constraints and just SHINE, my work will speak for itself.

As far as the main wall, I decided I'm going to do a collection of photos, posters and other art work that inspires me. This collage is the first step - it has pictures of times when I did shine or when I felt loved. It also contains encouraging cards I've received over the years that to this day make me want to be better.

I do not have the desk that I want yet. In the meantime, I'm using this dining room table my step sister got me as a house warming gift. It definitely serves the purpose. I'd ultimately like to get a desk more like this one, but for right now this will definitely do.

Finally the shelves - I didn't do cleaning :( I also need to get all of my things shipped to me from L.A. I have tons of books, degrees and pictures that will line the shelves so that is to come.

All in all, I'm satisfied with the office as it is right now! I feel that I've got a space that I can create and explore my creativity. Funny thing, as I cleaned up the floor last night an idea hit me so hard that I had to stop and right it down. (It literally brought me to tears.)I'm excited to pursue that idea in my new office space.


An Artistic Retreat

Since my work schedule prevents me from getting out of town this weekend (Memorial Day) as I had hoped, I'm staying in. But I shall not just stay in and be restless - I've got plans. BIG, FUN, ARTISIC plans!!!

As per usual, I'm following a suggestion from my blogspiration *kay at apt 412. Her Molly Sims inspired quote painting has been one I've wanted to try forever ... well since I read about it on her blog. I think I'm going to go with affirmations or just a random collection of powerful, inspiring words. How exciting. I got my stencils and need to pick out my canvas and colors (I'm thinking I'm going to go with shades of blue).

I'm designing my office space this weekend as well. I wanted a computer cart from Target that was on sale last week. I got a raincheck so I'm going to go pick it up today or tomorrow (I enjoy putting things together!). I've also bought an array of cool office supplies so I'm going to set those up as well. I'm getting some frames to put up images of inspiring things so that room becomes more of an inviting space for my creative energy. YAY! That room was the one thing that made this apartment pop to me so I'm excited about getting it in order.

This weekend I'm going to stretch myself - literally. I'm going to start Saturday with yoga (looking for a class but if not I've got several videos). Then I'm going visit my "counselor" DK to delve into some more "me" stuff. This weekend we are getting to the core of some of my issues so I think an AM yoga session will have me ready to dig deep. I'll probably need a nap after that before I get knee deep into my world.

I wanted to go see VALENTINO:THE LAST EMPEROR but looks like I had the dates wrong and it is no longer playing in New Orleans. BOO!!! But maybe I'll find something else equally inspiring to do at some point this weekend. I'm checking out other indie movies playing and looking into art exhibits.

I'm most excited because my weekend is filled with activities and not just "new restaurants I want to try". Here's to an artistic weekend.

(Oh and the pic up top is my go at being a graf artist. Emily -shown here- a friend of a person I used to know, invited me to her party a couple weekends ago. It was so artistically inspiring. Not only did guests bring work to exhibit, we were able to tag the wall outside in her garage. Talk about fun!!!!)



I've made a decision ...

And what better thing than have an official announcement as my 200th blog post ...

I've decided ...

To allow myself two years to go on a journey into myself. LOL! That feels good to say (type) aloud - an official declaration to the world!

As you know I lost my "real" job in Oct of last year. I worked as a waitress to get on my feet here in NOLA and recently started a physical production job that should last for another 8 weeks. I've been silently tormenting myself and having emotional breakdowns because as casual as I pretend to be about the situation it has been really devastating to not have a "real" job. (By real I mean steady income, health benefits, pension plan, prestige of moving up the corporate ladder, etc.) It has been a major reason I've not been truly enjoying my life.

Well I came to a conclusion today that it is OKAY. There is no hard fast rule that everyone's career and future potential for success has to follow the same model. The only thing I MUST do is follow my spirit and my spirit wants to do something other than stress over whether or not I'll secure a "real" job. And speaking of "security", even without a "real" job, I've been taken care of. Money has been flowing to me exactly when I need it since I lost my job! I actually made more money waiting tables here than as a top entertainment assistant in L.A.! (I did "make" more money there but with the cost of living factored in, it works out w/me having more money here in NOLA.) I think this is the time for me to explore my true talents, passions and desires. What do I really want? Where do I really want to go? What does my soul/spirit want?

I've finally decided to stop fighting the fact that I don't have that "real" job and embrace and rejoice for this time to get to the core of ME. I'm giving myself some "real" time, some room to explore what my spirit does want. Worse case scenario, I'm "tripping" and this spirit thing is a justification technique I've made up in my head. At age 35 (two years from now), I'll admit that, cut my losses and take the Bar exam or take more classes to become a college professor (getting a "real" job).

Best case scenario (and this is the one I'm betting on) is that I'm going to get something I could never receive from just getting a "real" job. Right now I'm feeling that if I just take some time to chill out and let my spirit speak what ever it is I'm supposed to be doing will be revealed to me. I've got to go with the flow of this (and since October I've been clawing and fighting against the grain). I'm tired of fighting and I'm giving up that habbit for the next 2 years.

I'm extremely excited and ready for this journey. While, I'm ready to see what will be revealed but I'm more ready to just sit back and enjoy the ride! I'll excitedly continuing the broadcast of my story here.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled program.


Look to the Babes

A couple of close friends to me recently had babies, both little girls!!! I'm so happy for them and am excited to see the little ones grow up. When I went to JazzFest to see Dave, I noticed a ton of cutie kids having a great time. How easy was it to be a young child! Before other people's stuff began to influence how we think and act, we were free to just be. Here are some shots of beautiful babies enjoying the show.
Watching the kids, reminds me of the wonder of life. Oprah often says that people are who they were as kids. As a kid I was extremely outgoing. I'd "perform" for my family all the time and was not a bit shy. I loved being the center of attention and basked in the love of my family members. Somewhere during the process, something changed. I began to worry about how I looked or what people thought and those worries began to influence how I acted - and how I'd allow myself to shine thru (I would hold myself back because I didn't want it to be "wrong").
Now at the ripe old age of 32, I'm seeking that childlike wonder in everything I do. I'm allowing myself to be more open to the joy of life and realize there is no "wrong" just me!


Ode To Being A Hot Girl

When I lived in Indiana I discovered something about myself that I am sure I always knew but wasn't quite ready to act upon. With the help of my clique, I was able to embody my "Hot Girlness". On yesterday I had a phone conversation with one of the original hot girls that reminded me of good times had in the good ole' Midwest. That conversation got me thinking about how many great experiences the single life has afforded me. Today I'm taking a break from my moaning and groaning about not being "in a relationship" to celebrate the fact I'm still a hot girl. I dedicate this to all my hot girls out there (and yes Karla, you are still a hot girl!). HAPPY WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Mini Mental Vaca

I'm sitting here looking for plane tickets. This summer I need to make a few trips to visit my friends but as I was looking, I decided to daydream a bit. If I money or time were no problem where would I go? What type of adventure would I seek? Well, I think I'd go on an man excursion. Don't worry, I'm not planning to go spread my loving around - I just want to look at them - beautiful, exotic ones in their natural habitat. I think I need to go to get out of America for a while to see the most beautiful ones. I know this is a generalization or stereotype but international men are GORGEOUS. Here are a few examples in no particular order:

Example 1: I was watching Bravo's "Make Me a Supermodel" last night and I was blown away by this one contestant, Sandhurst. First of all, this man is beautiful - his face is structured in such a way that I would describe as perfection. And his body ... well to quote him, "I am an African God and everyone wants to see me naked." WOW! Hmmm, this man makes me want to go to Trinidad. Click here and go to slide 7 for his full physique (LOL! He's supposedly modeling the gloves ... it took me a while to even notice he had gloves on last night!).

Example 2: Olaine Barrett. He's from Jamaica. He's a supermodel. He's beautiful. Yeah, don't have to say to much more on this one.

Example 3: I must say beautiful again. Cristiano Ronaldo. He is from Portugal and plays soccer for Manchester. I don't know crap about soccer but if he's playing, I'm watching. He is not just so freaking cute, but he is soooooooooo fine!!! And he wears the freshest haircut. And he is "cool" b/c last year he was in L.A. and frequented all the cool spots (don't worry I didn't stalk him but oh how I wanted to).

So those are my top international men for right now (just the ones that popped to mind today). I know our American boys are hotties too but I think I want to explore what the rest of the world has to offer. If you could go on a man excursion (just to look) where would you visit and why?


I Wonder ...

I was conflicted about what to write about tonight and visited Apt TBD and got some good inspiration (as per usual). Here are my sometimes I ...

  • Sometimes I am so confused that I can not act - I just retreat to my house and withdraw from everything and everyone.
  • Sometimes I get angry with myself because I don't feel like I'm living to my full potential.
  • Sometimes I act like I'm okay when I'm not because I just don't feel like talking about it.
  • Sometimes I feel selfish because I withdraw this way - it is kind of shady to disappear.
  • Sometimes I'm so happy I can not compose myself.
  • Sometimes I feel like I am living a dream life.
  • Sometimes I feel like the dream is a nightmare.
  • Sometimes I wish there was a roadmap to life - just show me exactly where I'm supposed to be and I can come up with a route to get here.
  • Sometimes I think I'm going to be single for the rest of my life and that saddens me.
  • Sometimes I think I'm going to be single for the rest of my life and that excites me.
  • Sometimes I think I'm destined for greatness.
  • Sometimes I know it is me that is standing in my way.
  • Sometimes I leave behind all thoughts and worries and just am and those are the best times.
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