Stop. Pause. Did she just call me a show off?!?!
Instead of holding it in like I normally would, I asked what was up. I told her I felt like I'd read dragon info thousands of times and never saw crap about being a show off. Further, I said I didn't see "show off" as a good thing. We discussed and she said she thought show off was good. She shared a story about when she was a kid and was accused of showing off when she was just doing her thing. She also mentioned that she felt I was a show off and gave instances when she felt I do show off. She also said that my idols are show offs which is probably an indication I am because we tend to like in others what we are truly ourselves. I was happy we discussed the situation and I got it off my chest (gold star for me for not holding it in!).
Just because we can come to a resolve in discussions with others doesn't mean we always have to agree with them 100% but we can take something from their views. Do I think I am a show off? No. Reason being - I'm not doing anything for show, I generally just do me. I blog because I like to write and I like to share with others what's on my mind. I love love love to take pictures so I post them often and video is a new medium for me I'd like to explore being in front of the camera more. I grew up speaking in church so I know how to naturally talk so people will pay attention so when I tell stories, I implement that same technique (actually, that one isn't just for me, it's for others. I loathe when folk tell me convoluted shit that I can't follow so when I tell a story, I try to present in a pleasing, concise way folk can keep up with.) I love social media because while I enjoying catching up with people, I don't really enjoy actual talking all the time and that's a way I can stay in touch w/o having to actually pick up the phone...and I get to meet folk like me that like to share what's happening in their world literally by sharing with the world. Besides social media, I think I've loved all these things all my life but at some point growing up, someone called me a showoff so I stopped. In fact it was my little cousin at a family dinner. He said I smiled too much and that I was a showoff and everyone fell out laughing in agreement. I stopped sharing my desire to put myself out there. But now that I'm grown, I could care less about someone else's labels and I realize time is of the essence if I'm going to live my life for me.
I think my friend made many valid points in the convo that I don't always acknowledge. I do shine when I'm speaking in front of a group (SHINE not showing off lol). So back in college when I was in pageants and stuff, I wasn't showing off, I was doing what I was supposed to - SHINE! At work when I do a good job, it's not to make anyone else look bad - it's just what I know how to do. The times when I get the opportunity to be in front, you can believe, I'm gonna shine because that's what I like. I think that's what my idols do - they don't shy away from the light or try to dull it when it's too bright for some...nope, they not only embrace it but boldly walk into it. They simply shine. So what my dear dear friend defines as show off, I define as SHINE. And at the end of the day, it's our personal definitions that create our lives - NOT the thoughts and opinions of others.
I'm excited that I'm at the point in my life where I don't want to change who I am at the core and when I'm simply being myself I SHINE ... and that's okay with me.