FINALLY!

I FINALLY got to see "The Dark Knight" and everyone was right - it was an AMAZING movie! I loved it!!! Heath Ledger was amazing as was Aaron Eckhardt. I know I'm late but had to comment.

I Want It In My Life!

I go through these random bouts of what I like to call "the wants". When the wants hit, I find myself literally anxious to have certain things - mostly materialistic type things (new looks also fall into this category). Generally I'm not too concerned with my appearance but when I'm in the midst of a case of the wants, I can not help myself. I get anxious when I'm near the objects of my desire ... my stomach literally hurts and sometimes I get the shakes. It can be a hot mess!

The latest bout of the wants are revolving around life in my new city. First of all, I want to do some promoting, get involved with the nightlife scene. I'm putting together an event (details to come once finalized) but that is making me tres anxious! I want it to get going so badly - I want to see my fliers ASAP! I want my event site set up! I want to start telling people about the event! ARGH!!! I want to book a venue. I want, I want, I want ...

I am also facing the wants in the case of my appearance. I want some new gear and some new things. My hair - I want some new color. I know it sounds odd, but I want some blue highlights! All the spots that are red, I want them to be blue. Not electric kind of blue but more like blue black - don't worry, its going to be fresh! Very subtle but shocking - like me! I also want my nose pierced again! I thought I looked so fresh when I had that. I randomly stopped the nose ring - one night I washed my face and it fell out and I was too lazy to put it back in and the next day it was closed. I miss that. I need my brows done too! I have great brows and they need to be done!!! They open my face and show off my fly! I haven't found a place here that does them right but in all honesty, I haven't tried a place yet. I've got to get that done - plan is to do it Friday or Saturday. We shall see.

I want to go shopping!!!! I have stopped watching "The City". I love that show but Whitney's fabo style is too much for me to take. In all the episodes I've seen she only wears dresses or skirts, how ladylike is that? I want to dress like that! (Well of course when I'm not at the J O B when I have to sport the black pants, white shirt and tie look!) I want to rock dresses/skirts and such more often - translation - all the time when I go out! I want to have a look that matches my new inner feeling of being unique and going after what I want unapologetically.

The conflict is that most of all, I want to be a more evolved person where none of this crap matters!

From "I Wrote This For You"

I've become a huge fan of "I Wrote This For You," a beautiful blog filled with pictures and short statements that describe. This one was so beautiful to me. I want to live in this world!






The Things We Could Do Today

Let's pretend we're artists and everything we feel is something new to be proud of. Let's take our imaginary friends on a double date and ditch them in a movie and hope they get along while we kiss outside on the sidewalk. Let's take the dreams you mumbled in your sleep and paint a child's nursery. And if we don't finish today, we've always got tomorrow.

Same Difference

Everyone has their insecurities and I'm confronting mine. Growing up, I was always different than the other kids. I looked different - the girls I grew up around were "prettier". I dressed different - I lived with my Granny who thinks that little girls should wear dresses. Hot sneakers were popular so I'd wear my church looking dresses w/my new Nikes. Needless to say that didn't go over well. The older I got, the worse it got in my small town - my goals were to move to California and most of my peers had never even gone so they thought I was on some bs. I was just very different and all I wanted to be was like everyone else.


College was the first place I realized I wasn't that different at all. The kids at school were so like me! I had a ton of peers that were into the things I liked and people dressed however they liked. For the first time, people appreciated my type of beauty. I was in my element. After when I moved around, I kept meeting more and more people like me or rather open to the me I was discovering myself to be. Living in Los Angeles was the best because everyone was so different that I was pretty normal.


Now that I'm back, I've been having issues. The issues were arising around my appearance. I felt "ugly" or not very attractive when I looked in the mirror. After a long meditation last night, I figured out that the problem is that the differences are coming back up. Here I am VERY different. My "job" is a waitress - all of my peers here have "real careers". I still dress "funny" - LOL! For instance, if I'm going out and I get dressed up, I'm literally dressing up as in character (I pick a way I want to feel or look and go with that - like a theme). Then the person I spend the most time with here is constantly commenting on how I'm so different. I know my friend means no harm and probably means it as a complement, but it brings up all my old issues.

Well I am glad to say I know now more than ever that I am different and that is okay. We all have different missions/purposes in life and I can only be me. It doesn't matter what other people think, it matters what I think. And now that my heads on straight again, I think I'm pretty freaking fabulous again!

What Had Happened Today ...

I'm officially apartment hunting. I've found my dream place! It is so cute and has all types of space for my creative endeavors. It is $50 cheaper than I expected to pay and it is in an ideal location. The problem is that I don't have my deposit yet :( I should have it by Tuesday but what if someone rents my place? Apparently in New Orleans, you have to pay your security deposit when you turn in your application. Really? Oh well, I know I am only supposed to focus on what I want so I'll stop moaning over this place.

Today I had a mini breakdown. I can be kind of anal when it comes to work. Whether the job at hand is to run off copies or to create a new organizational system for a company, I don't care, I take it serious. Today I was to do my 5th training shift at my part time gig. I have done extremely well on days 1-4 and just knew today would go swimmingly. It didn't. In fact, it sank. I have my suspicions on why it happened but I won't get into that. I do know that I was heated! LOL!

My car's check engine light went off today. It came on last Sunday. Apparently if you don't twist your gas tank cap tightly, it triggers the check engine light. I learned this when I took my car in for a diagnostic. You have to drive regularly for 3-5 days and the light will go off. It finally went off today.

During my suck azz day at work, this guy had a $20 next to his foot under his table. I let him know and thought nothing of it. He was apparently impressed and on his way out he shook my hand and placed something in it - the $20! AND my horoscope for the month said today I should be open to receiving money! (LOL! Too bad I was expecting the deposit for my new place otherwise that nice gesture would have probably been the highlight of my day!)

To avoid being disgusted at myself for being so upset about work, I came home and worked on my REAL job ... I finally finished the query letter I've been working on. One of my major goals this year is to be published in a national publication so I'm excited I finally wrapped up my letter. Now if I could just stop re-reading it ...

And so went my day ...

A New Day

 

"If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible... [this] is your answer." - United States President, Barack Obama

I Have A Dream

Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole
staircase.

Today is the day we remember and honor the life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. He had such a positive effect on race relations in America, and allowed many of the experiences I've had in life possible. I have friends of all races, religions and beliefs. I've been able to do all the things I've dreamed of career wise and I have been fortunate enough that my race has not been a determining factor in whether I can go along my path. The work Dr. King did made it possible for me to live the life I live today.

I feel that I owe it to him to dream my own dreams. I think that was a part of his message that is often overlooked. I think that we all have dreams that will uplift society and mankind. Today is a reminder of that and I look forward to seeing all of our dreams manifest.

Introducing ... DaVida Chanel

Here is my new blog!!! I'm really excited for this time in my life and what better time to show off my new digs! I felt it was timely to change the name - I'm no longer living under the guise of a lie so my blog title needed to reflect what is really happening in my life - I'm introducing DaVida Chanel to the world!

I am embarking on a new chapter in my life and here are my goals for the year with my blog. In general this year, I want to spend more time on my creative talents, namely writing. Last year, I made it a point to start a blog and now that I have one, I want to make it a priority with more detailed, well thought posts instead of just a general journal. One of the things I'm experiencing and want to share is my move back to the "homeland". I'm learning a lot about myself through this experience and I want to share it with my readers. Additionally, I've recently decided to move to New Orleans. I'd like my entries to reveal my thoughts on the rebuilding of the city from my perspective.

I'm excited about the things to come! I look forward to a new year!!!

What I'm Lovin' Now

I have been exposed to a few things that I am really loving right now ...

I am LOVING New Orleans right now! The city is known as "The Big Easy" and it is teaching me how to be more "easy". I find new things every day that bring me small bits of joy. I am digging this city right now.

Amy Winehouse's first album - a friend of mine gave me a couple of CD's and this one is so good! Amy is so soulful! I realize her second album achieved critical acclaim but when I got it I just wasn't that into it. This CD is so on! "Stronger Than Me" is a great song and she lets you know exactly how she is feeling. I am now all about Amy Winehouse getting back on track so that she can create more music like this.

Muscato d'Asti - my old roommate had introduced me to the goodness that is Asti!!! I went to a wine bar and got a glass of muscato d'asti and now I'm back on it! It is super dooper sweet but I love it ... and apparently it is good no matter the brand!

Green Tea w/Jasmine - Whole Foods sells this tea in a can and I also bought some to brew. Studies show that drinking green tea helps with weight loss. I'm not sure I'm really losing any weight but I'm enjoying the deliciousness as I try!

Lesson from Benjamin

Last week I saw "The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons" and I must admit I had a surreal experience in the theater. Because it was the first Sunday of the year, I planned a day that was full of activities that would make me feel good. Not only did I enjoy the movie, I think it was filled with themes that spoke to my specific situation.

For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things thatstartle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meetpeople with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of.If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over
again.

I am at a point of starting over again yet again and I often feel that I am in a position of failure. This quote from the movie reminds me that I am really strong to be able to restart again. I do have a life that I am proud of - I have had the opportunity to meet and experience people that shape who I am. I have traveled far from my comfort zone over and over again. I'm on a journey and I'm committed to making the best of it. I'm not sure that "Benjamin Buttons", David Fincher or Brad Pitt will win any awards, but I know that it made me realize some valuable lessons about myself and my journey.

READY!

Ahhhhh, I'm officially ready for 2009!

You may be thinking, isn't it a couple days late for that? Well, honestly, I wasn't quite up for it on the First! I did allow my friends to get me out for NYE! I spent the night on the town in New Orleans (fitting since I want to live there this year). I didn't like my dress once I got out BUT I had a fab-0 hair day (thanks Mistie for those bday pearls - finally got to wear 'em!). I spent New Year's Day in bed being down and out ... I was pretty down on being me. I was upset b/c I couldn't believe the state of my life at the beginning of this year (no job, no idea what I want to do, living at my Granny's ARGH!). Luckily on Friday I had a couple of reality check phone calls (thanks Karla, Chante and Ra!) and got my mind right. I spent Friday and Saturday at home contemplating what is next for me. Those days alone were exactly what I needed to figure out exactly what it is I desire for this year.

I've decided that this year is about me finding and cultivating a life that is reflective of who I am. And here's the exciting part, at 32, I'm not quite sure who that is. By spending this time at my Granny's, I've discovered a lot of my actions and beliefs are not mine. In a lot of ways, I'm just echoing the behaviors of my family. I notice her reactions to things that seem so trivial then I see myself flipping out over details just as menial. I also notice how a lot of her information comes from other sources (she often tells me things she knows and she sites her sources as her friends never quite revealing how she feels on the matter, but rather just repeating what they feel). I'm not judging her at all, I just recognize (especially after a candid convo w/Karla) that I don't always make up my own mind. I can have a tendency to go with what is popular belief.

This year is about tapping into what I believe and cultivating my own thoughts on who I am. Instead of filling my days and nights with anxious thoughts of what is to come, I'm going to go out on a limb and do the just live thing and see how that goes. This is an adventure for me but I'm going to take it on. I looked at my vision board during my days of solitude and the word EXPLORER jumped out at me. That's what I'm doing - I'm exploring who and what I want to be. I'm going to trust and believe that the Universe is watching over me during this expedition and that all my needs are met. I'm ready to travel into the depths of DaVida Chanel.

The first change will be a new blog name. As soon as I figure out how to switch it w/o losing my current subscribers (I'm sure kay can help with this!), I'm going to unveil my new name. I can't continue on this journey of truth proclaiming that my name is a lie! LOL!

Today's Adventure

Today I decided to venture out into my new city of New Orleans (I'm claiming that I'll be officially set up and living here by Mardi Gras on Feb. 24). I saw a worship center on line that reminded me of Agape in L.A. I went and had a great time. They did a ritual where you released things from the past year that no longer serve you (literally burning them) and then you wrote a letter to yourself that they will mail to you this time next year. How fun! I found a great brunch spot on Yelp called Refuel and it is soooooooo good! It is right off of Carrolton in the heart of Uptown (the area I want to live) and they have free wifi (so I'm actually blogging right now in the middle of a cafe! How cool?!?!) When I'm done here, I'm going see The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons. After the movie, I'm going to have a glass of wine somewhere and jump into a script I had to put on the backburner due to my move (a Bianca Douglas original!) and head home (unless a friend comes through w/a place to stay for the evening then I'll have a couple of drinks! LOL!). Tomorrow I'll volunteer at the Film Office and set up hours in which I'll go in. Overall, I'm excited b/c I am feeling the type of positive energy I want to surround me and my move here.

For the first time since I got to Louisiana, I'm ready for what is to come ... REALLY ready and excited for this journey into me! Stay tuned!!!!