Same Difference

Everyone has their insecurities and I'm confronting mine. Growing up, I was always different than the other kids. I looked different - the girls I grew up around were "prettier". I dressed different - I lived with my Granny who thinks that little girls should wear dresses. Hot sneakers were popular so I'd wear my church looking dresses w/my new Nikes. Needless to say that didn't go over well. The older I got, the worse it got in my small town - my goals were to move to California and most of my peers had never even gone so they thought I was on some bs. I was just very different and all I wanted to be was like everyone else.

College was the first place I realized I wasn't that different at all. The kids at school were so like me! I had a ton of peers that were into the things I liked and people dressed however they liked. For the first time, people appreciated my type of beauty. I was in my element. After when I moved around, I kept meeting more and more people like me or rather open to the me I was discovering myself to be. Living in Los Angeles was the best because everyone was so different that I was pretty normal.

Now that I'm back, I've been having issues. The issues were arising around my appearance. I felt "ugly" or not very attractive when I looked in the mirror. After a long meditation last night, I figured out that the problem is that the differences are coming back up. Here I am VERY different. My "job" is a waitress - all of my peers here have "real careers". I still dress "funny" - LOL! For instance, if I'm going out and I get dressed up, I'm literally dressing up as in character (I pick a way I want to feel or look and go with that - like a theme). Then the person I spend the most time with here is constantly commenting on how I'm so different. I know my friend means no harm and probably means it as a complement, but it brings up all my old issues.

Well I am glad to say I know now more than ever that I am different and that is okay. We all have different missions/purposes in life and I can only be me. It doesn't matter what other people think, it matters what I think. And now that my heads on straight again, I think I'm pretty freaking fabulous again!

1 comment:

Karla said...

Later for the rest of 'em. You're the shit!

(I think a spammer has hijacked your feed, by the way)

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