There Is Only One "The One"

Lately I've been down on love ... for me. I do think love is possible for some people - I'm extremely supportive of my friends' and their quest for love. In the last month two of them got engaged and I was a top cheerleader for them. Another friend celebrated her 5th year anniversary this year, which brought me special joy since I was a bridesmaid at her wedding. Love, love, love. It is an amazing thing ... for them.

As amazing as love is and as much as I enjoy celebrating love in the lives of others, I realized or decided rather that I was done with love. I've had a tough last couple of years as it relates to relationships. I did a lot of stuff in an attempt to prepare myself to be in real love. I literally did the work: read books, did heart opening yogic exercises, sought therapy for my issues, read "Calling in the One" and committed to the exercises, went to love workshops at church, got reiki to clear blocks in my heart and of course, prayed that love would find me. And it did. I experienced REAL feelings of love but my love wasn't always reciprocated. It was rejected. It was manipulated. It was shared w/someone in an impossible position to return. In June of this year, I decided I was done. I felt like maybe romantic love wasn't for me. I felt maybe God was trying to teach me that no matter what I was doing, maybe for me this great authentic love story was not meant to be. So I quit. Instead of remaining hopeful that the next one was the one, I gave up. I stopped allowing myself to imagine this "he" I was seeking was just around the corner. I tore up the love affirmations that filled my room. I found my old journals (well the ones I have w/me since my stuff is still in L.A.) and scoffed at myself for being so optimistic. I simply quit expecting, anticipating and even wanting love.

I didn't share this with anyone because I didn't want to be talked out of it. I didn't want to hear the stories of some girl who met Mr. Right at the moment when she was close to giving up. I didn't want to hear about how some guy was out there going through the same things I was and one day he'd be led to me. I didn't want to hear anything about being faithful and believing against all odds I'd find the love of my dreams. I found myself more excited to hang out with folk who were not so excited by love. I changed my dreams of love. I figured out new ways to share my love. I poured it into my work. I sought ways to volunteer and give my love to those less fortunate than I. I decided to give that love to myself. All these things I was going to do w/love but I didn't tell anyone, I just decided for myself.

Last night, I went to dinner with a couple of my friends that I hadn't seen in a while and of course the conversation turned to love. One friend is engaged and the other recently met a new guy. Eventually the convo switched to me and I decided to share my new decision. (I knew this would be a mistake because even before the engaged one was engaged, she was pretty optimistic about love). She took a deep breath before she spoke. She said she understood my frustration but how I simply couldn't give up. In frustration, I responded that it was impossible that it was all of the guys and that the one constant was me. I explained how my decision was my attempt to cut my losses and take responsibility for those failures in love and recognize I was to be alone. She something that really caused me to think. She said, quantity doesn't matter. There is only one the one and eventually he'll find you.

This reminded me of something that was said on CNN's "Black In America 2". This guy wanted to build a school in Conneticut. He said he was told no several times but it only took one yes to get his school started. Once he got the "yes" he was able to get the school of vision off the ground. I responded to that because when it comes to my career, I'm all in. I do not care what I have to go through to achieve my career goals, quitting is not an option. This is because I truly believe and know without a doubt that eventually I'll achieve my goals. What if I held that same belief in love? Can I hold on against hope that I will experience the true, good, reciprocated love I desire? Even though I've experienced such low lows, can I still hang on to the belief that I'll get what I want when it comes to love? Is it possible for me to believe and know that love is coming?

I'm not yet sure that I can, but I sure want to ...

Carrie Fever ... On a Budget

So I've been trying to figure out what my life reminds me of. Surely I've seen this story before - talented girl, making her way in dating, love and career, doing it all with the help of her girls ...

Hmmm, sounds a lot like Carrie Bradshaw to me.

I didn't have HBO when Sex and the City first began as told here. When I finally sat down to watch the show, I fell in love with it. I felt I could relate to most of the characters but there was something extra-captivating about Carrie.

Maybe it is because she's a writer. Maybe because of her crazy relationship with Mr. Big. Maybe it was her awesome sense of original and eccentric style. Maybe it was because at one point she was pretty much broke. Whatever it was, I related to her. Now I feel like I'm living her life ... but on a budget ... and with no fab-o designer wadrobe ... oh and I know how to cook.

Lately I feel like I've made some huge mistake. I've taken some huge risks over the last year as it relates to my career. Those risks have not yet paid off leaving me feeling down and confused (and jobless at the moment which makes me scared and fearful). Carrie made a lot of mistakes during the show but she never quit. She kept going. I'm calling in my inner Carrie. Luckily, she left me tons of quotable clues for days like this ...

"As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and JUST KEEP GOING."

Review List for Year 32

Ahhh, I'm having a lazy daisy day. The plan was to get up early and clean up my place. Nope didn't happen. I woke up around 8 but immediately went back to sleep. I woke up around 11:30 but laid around until 12:30. Talked on the phone, got up made something to eat, and then began to chill out even more. No cleaning has been done. So I decided I needed to do something ... clean up? Nope, blog! LOL! But what to write? I didn't know so I opted for a list. W/o further ado ...

DaVida Chanel's Highlights of Year 32

(of my life):

I picked this since at midnight tonight (more precisely at 1:46pm tomorrow),

the year of 32 will end!!

• I brought in the official bday w/one of my fav activities; talking, eating cake (red velvet cake no doubt) and drinking wine w/my old roomie/friend Ms. Bianca.
• I got to work for my this guy (the lead singer) ... I literally feared his presence, even over the phone ... :
  
  Apollo .Astro Disco.1979
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• I went to back to my college homecoming (it was 10 years after I'd graduated).
• I left L.A. - destination unknown; I officially moved to New Orleans in February.
• I have a thing for live music. This year I got to see Iyanla Vanzant , Nelly, LL Cool J, Neyo, Solange, Estelle, Babyface, Little Freddy King, Erykah Badu, Better Than Ezra, Dave Matthews Band, Beyonce, Robin Thicke, Anita Baker, Talib Kweli and my favorite new artist: RYAN LESLIE
  
• I attended a women's conference/retreat in the woods!
• Went to the Price is Right.
• I experienced the death of my younger first cousin; first time I ever lost someone so close that was younger than me. I had to speak at her funeral and I did so w/o breaking down.
• I worked on set for a major motion picture - first time having a job that required me to be on set the entire filming process. (I have worked on movies before but not in this way.)
• Meet a spiritual advisor/teacher.
• For the first time ever, painted a wall in an apartment I am renting (always wanted to but always felt it wasn't worth it since I was just renting).
• Got the IPhone ... finally.
• I got to celebrate my friends: 3 got married, 2 had babies, 1 opened a salon, 1 bought a house, 1 got a new job as a Physician's Assistant at a great hospital, 1 is shopping around her script - good stuff all around!
• Had a professional photo shoot.
• Started a company thus becoming a brand.
• Waited tables again ... as my one job (not like a PT job thing, I was only a waitress).
• Got laid off for the first time ever and had to get unemployment (I used to think that was like welfare, now I know it is not b/c I paid for it over the years).
• Got more of a web presence.
• Fell in love twice. One love was not returned (in fact that love was crapped on) and the other love was mutual (even though situations caused made it impossible for anything to develop from it).
• Took a meditation class, an astrology class and a soul development class.
• Read a ton of books and got into Deepak Chopra.
• Found my inner rock star and let her come out to play a lot more often!

Woke Up Feeling Inspired

Good morning world! Today is one of those days! I woke up super early inspired. I've been working on a couple of projects that I truly believe are going to really launch my career. The idea of how to make the better, more effective literally woke me from my sleep. I got some work done. Right now I'm at the point where I have to take a break because I have a previous engagement. It is my little cousin's birthday. He had a party on Saturday but since today is his official day we are going to celebrate. We're going to the movies and out for pizza (LOVE hanging with the kids - they are super inspiring). But after play time, it is back to work. I'm going home this evening to get some more work in. I'm super excited! Any inspirations happening in your world?

The Birthday Blues

I love love love birthdays. Not just my birthday, anyone's birthday. Because I'm so into birthdays of course mine is a big deal. Usually. Well this year I'm at a loss of what to do. I'm still pretty new here and don't have many friends. (The friends I do have work so Tuesdays suck and the other friends live at least an hour away so don't want them to have to come down on a Tuesday.)

The last two years I had great dinner parties to celebrate my birthday. Last year we went to Mirabelle's, my favorite restaurant in L.A. I met friends for happy hour (they have the best sangria), then other friends joined for dinner. Good times shared w/good friends. The year before that I had a Moroccan feast at Tagine's in Beverly Hills! It was so great - we sat down for like a 5 course dinner. Absolutely amazing! The year before that about 12 of my friends met me in Miami for a weekend of festivities.

But if I remember the year before that it was a lot like this year. I was in L.A. interning for the summer. I pretty much worked all the time and didn't hang out much (I waited tables at night to earn money b/c my interns didn't pay). My friend Mistie worked at this cool place that had just opened called Dominick's (now it is super popular). She took me out to dinner and we had a good time. I recall being sad though. I hate not really celebrating my birthday and while I was grateful she took me out, I wished for something more. That big celebration.

This year I feel that sadness. I want to celebrate but not sure how. Maybe I'll have a solo celebration. I've considered driving to Florida for some alone beach time and maybe I'll do it that day. If I stay in town, maybe I'll do something fun alone. (That doesn't sound very fun but maybe I can come up with something cool.) I made a hair appointment and I'm considering a cut. I need to make an eyebrow appt so maybe I can have a spa day? My gift to myself this year is swim lessons and I'll probably sign up for them on my actual bday. My birthday is an eclipse night and while I don't think it'll be very visible here, maybe I'll do something outside. What I don't want to do is go out and party or get drunk (so not a fab-o birthday experience).

So any thoughts of birthday fun for me? How do you celebrate your day?

Oooohhh New Orleans

I am really falling in love with this city. I've visited here a million times growing up but something about living here makes it amazing! In an attempt to stop going out to eat so much, I am trying to start finding other things about this city I just love. Here's just a few (and it is so hard NOT to talk about restaurants):

• Audubon Park - This park is BEAUTIFUL! One of my favorite activities is going outside to journal. I find that a bit difficult in New Orleans because it is so hot and humid. I do find that at this park if I sit under a huge tree, it is not so bad. Here's the view from my fav spot.
  

The River - I love water, generally the ocean and the beach, but I'm adjusting to only having the river here. Sometimes I like to go sit and watch the water roll by. Generally I do this downtown by the Quarters but on Sunday, I drove along the river. So nice, so relaxing.

Being in Nature - I have a new friend (let's call him the Snob; it is okay, he picked that name) that loves trees. He's a big fan of live oaks. This city is full of them. Yesterday as we were rolling along we saw this gem. Since my snapshot didn't capture the trees glorious roots, he took this fab-o picture (I couldn't take credit for this one). Isn't it lovely?

Live music - I'm a huge fan of live music. I love to go to concerts in small venues and feel connected to the artist. This can happen on any given night here in New Orleans. On Saturday, I had a unique musical experience. I went to a producer battle. It was so fun. These up and coming producers battled with their beats. It was so good! I felt like I heard the next Pharrell or Timberland and upstairs of some random club.

I absolutely loved Los Angeles for its beauty and never thought I'd love another city so much. My love affair with New Orleans is totally different than that one. This love feels more real and seems to be one I'm more open to explore!

Michael Jackson, 1958-2009

I spent the day yesterday watching CNN coverage of the Michael Jackson memorial service. That sentence alone indicates how huge of a star this man was. His memorial service shut down CNN for hours - 3 hours free of commercial interruption. It will surely go down in history as the most watched television event (ranking with the wedding of Prince Charles and Princess Diana). I was so touched by yesterday's events that I had to take a moment to reflect on what MJ meant to me and how he influenced my life. I've been pondering these thoughts since his death and am finally able to share (although I still don't think I've fully processed what he means to me).

On yesterday, Mr. Berry Gordy said that at 10 years old, Michael wanted to be the greatest entertainer that ever lived. He went on to say how dedicated MJ became with being the best. He said even though he was just a child he worked extremely hard to master his craft. That stuck out to me as one of the most prolific things said during the entire service. This man dedicated his life from age 10 to entertaining the world and the world loved his talent. He was the most famous person of my lifetime - since I was old enough to remember there has been Michael Jackson music in the soundtrack of my life. I remember it being a mini event and going over to my aunt's house to watch the Thriller video. I remember being older and gathering around the TV w/friends for the Remember the Time video premiere. When I think of what Michael's life meant, I'll always remember him as the hardest worker ever. I'll remember he was a person with a dream in his heart since he was a child that went all in to achieve his dream. If that little boy from Gary, Indiana can achieve the vision he held in his heart at age 10, can't we all achieve what desires we have? (Obviously we won't all become the King of Pop, but I'd venture to say that isn't the majority of folks true desire.) His life also reminds me that sometimes when you get what you set out to get, it might not be as wonderful as you'd like it to be.

Here's another side of what I learned from MJ's life and this one is a little tougher to put out there because I do not want to believe it to be so (although I know it is). MJ's troubles thought me that if you are VERY different and do things that the majority doesn't condone you will be outcast. Additionally, no matter how much good you do, if you display these differences and stand by them, public opinion will pick you apart. I'm not condoning anything MJ was accused of - child abuse in any form is intolerable. But I never really believed in my heart that he was guilty. My feelings aside, a court of law found him not guilty. However, so many people still think he was (someone wrote on my FB page one day that just because he was acquitted doesn't mean he was innocent ... actually it is supposed to but they were right it doesn't because the ruling of the court of public opinion had already made their ruling of guilty). I spent three years slaving in law school and we were taught to believe that the court system is the highest law in the land - what they rule goes. MJ's life showed so clearly that is not always true. If you are found innocent and the majority of people believe you are guilty, you are still guilty in America and that sucks. When he died, even though he entertained the world for his entire life, a great many people think he was a pervert, freak, weirdo, and a host of other words that were thrown out over the last week. I'm just so glad I get to remember the musician, the artist, the great dancer, the prankster shown in behind the scenes clips, the giver, the most original ... as Mr. Gordy summed it up, THE GREATEST ENTERTAINER THAT EVER LIVED.

I bid Michael Jackson a fond farewell today. It is my sincere hope that his good days outweighed his bad and he is remembered for all his contributions to the world. I'll play his music forever in the soundtrack of my life and encourage everyone to find at least one of his songs that you can keep alive as well.

R.I.P. Mr. Jackson - I truly loved you.

It Is A Lovely Day

A couple of weeks ago, I broke away from work for a quick break in a co-workers car (shout out to Aquiles - never have I had a co-worker so equipped w/good tunes and computer knowledge. He Rocks!). He played Bill Wither's "Lovely Day" which reminded me how much I love that song! I love hearing it early in the A.M. When I look in the mirror I tell myself the lyrics. This is a great feel good song for a Friday like today. I'm really excited for the weekend. First up, my snazzy business cards are en route via FedEx as we speak! You can glimpse in my right side bar but b/c I know it is early and you may be feeling lazy, here's a sneak peak!
Last night I launched my starter website which you can visit here. Today an old friend I met in Indiana is coming to visit ... and she's a hot girl too! We're going to be rockstars today and in rare form - I haven't seen her sincce the Miami bday celebration nearly 3 years ago!!! I'm working promotions at the festival on Saturday and Sunday, but today, I'm just hanging w/my girls and doing the darn thing. We're going to the the seminars this afternoon and we'll get to see my favorite reality star, Ms. NeNe from "The Real Housewives of Atlanta". Steve Harvey will be doing a relationship forum and my old flame Malik Yoba will be on the panel (he doesn't know he's my old flame but he was regardless if he knew or not!). Tonight is the highlight, we are going to see Beyonce in concert! I'm also super excited because in addition to "the baddest chick in the game" Solange Knowles is in the Essence Super Lounge (I saw her live a few months back and she ROCKED it). So yes, I'm having a lovely day. Wishing you one as well!!! Enjoy Mr. Withers!