I'm generally a conservative person when it comes to my appearance and sense of style. But when I'm going through things in my life I am quick to go out and make a change to my look. These changes have included piercings, drastic hair cuts and colorings and tattoos ... I need to get something done quickly - I feel like I'm about to literally die.
I am bored. I'm bored with my life right now. I'm bored with my situation. I'm bored with being so easily bored. I'm bored because I'm in financial dispair, uninspired, confused and unmotivated. I feel like I have no home, no where to turn - I feel like I'm a hamster just spinning on the wheel. There I said it. (First step to getting over something is admittance right?)
I desire some excitement, something that will make me feel ... well, make me feel something different than the way that I feel right now. I need something new because I'm simply tired of the old ... actually I'm tired of the now.
I haven't been fiscally responsible in quite some time, so I don't have money to go and get a haircut or a new tat or get my nose pierced again. I'm hanging out in this old, blah existence. Having no money is impeding on my freedom. I feel like I can't express myself because I don't have money to make anything happen.
Yes, everything I'm learning about spirituality and surrender says to just go with the flow, so I'm going with it - going with the flow instead of fighting it. This new life I'm trying to live and adjust to also says that I create my destiny, so I am confused as to what is going on subconsciously that desires boredom and bondage. ARGH! I am still not sure exactly what it means to live in the flow when the flow is so far from what I desire, but I'm going with it.
Moving into the flow ...
In chapter 7 of THE NEW EARTH, Eckhart Tolle says that it is important to be at peace with the present moment. When we are not, he says this is what happens -
"I'll be whatever you want me to be," says Life or the Now.
"I'll treat you the way you treat me. If you see me as a problem, I will be a problem to you.
If you treat me as an obstacle, I will be an obstacle."
Hmmm, maybe that's why everything is so ughh right now - because I've been treating the present moment like a means to an end.
A huge part of this spiritual equation is gratitude. I know I have so much to be grateful for - Afterall in so many aspects, I'm living the life I've always dreamt of having. My career is on track and I'm developing several projects that I can do on my own. I'm trying new things and meeting new people. I'm more aware than I've ever been in my life. I keep getting great gifts and all types of gifts and help exactly at the moment I need it. I'm also extremely grateful for my friendships and relationships now as well. I'm learning to have more deep relationships with people and learning to truly just be me all the time. I'm grateful for my blog because when I sit down and write from where I am in the moment, I can usually find some sort of solution.
At the end of the day, I know that everything will work out - things always do. It feels better already ... even with this same old hair and my little nose with no sparkly ring.
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