Don't Drink the Kool-Aid - Vol. 1

When I was very young, I remember my aunt always saying that I was too quick to drink the Kool-Aid. I used to love her Kool-Aid, especially when she'd make it all pretty with lemons and other fruit. She was right, I'd try and drink the entire pitcher the first day because it was so good! When I was in the 7th grade, I learned of a man called Jim Jones and developed a new idea of why being so quick to drink the Kool-Aid might be a bad idea. While my aunt was concerned with my smile and skin (Kool-Aid has a lot of sugar and she was worried all my teeth would fall out and my face would break out), I now realize that sometimes drinking the Kool-Aid can cause more serious implications - including death.

Jim Jones was a preacher who in 1977 moved his church members from San Francisco to Guyana, South America. He was under investigation by the government for tax evasion and his followers believed in him so much that they decided to move away and build their own world/community. Not to bore with the historic details but when the US government became a threat to Jones, he killed all of the members of his church by having them drink Flavor-Aid (which was misidentified through the years as Kool-Aid) laced with cyanide. Everyone died. While it is unclear if the people voluntarily drank the juice or if they were forced, I believe they drank up because it seemed appealing. This man they loved and believed in told them it was a path to salvation so they did (after all they gave him all of their possessions and moved to South America because he said). When I first read of Jim Jones and the Guyana tragedy, I vowed not to drink the Kool-Aid ... that is not to believe something as true just because someone I respect (or even people in positions that I should respect) said it is so. I rather find out things on my own and develop my own beliefs. This is more true at this point than ever before because I know without a doubt that the every man's truth lies within him. There are no answers that we do not posses within us.

FEEDING ME KOOL-AID, April 3, 2008

So today I was reading an article on msn.com. The article suggested asked if single women were just too successful for a mate (
MSN ARTICLE). It gave a lot of commentary on why women remain single, but as I read, I was reminded of the Kool-Aid. I'm not believing the hype that I'm too successful to find a mate. I also am not buying into the notion that I have too high standards and that is why I am single. I am not going to believe that I don't have a man because my social life is too fun to give up. They didn't go there, but I also don't believe that I don't have a man because all black men are dead or in jail; because of my family's history with men or because I'm somehow not good enough to get one.

Here's what I know for sure - they are tons of good men out there. How do I know? Well a)I have a ton of male friends who are VERY good men; b)I have several friends who are in great marriages and relationships with VERY good men and c)I see and meet VERY good men all the time. Just because I am surrounded by good men doesn't mean it is the time for a good man to enter my life. It also doesn't mean that any of these good men is the right man for me. Maybe this is a time for me to be single and learn and experience some things that are preparing me for my Mr. Right. And yes, while my standards may seem high to others they are MY standards so that is just fine for what I want. So yes I expect the man I end up with to know the difference between penne and fettuccine when ordering a meal and if he has a certain level of "swagger" and confidence, while someone else may be more concerned with his education level or intellectual prowess. The point is we all want what we want and once we are ready to receive it, it will appear.

I believe that when we don't have what we desire it is either because it is simply not for us or we are not ready to receive it. I know I don't have my good man yet because no matter what I say, my actions and beliefs indicate I am simply not ready. Do I think I'm somehow perfect right now and that I know everything about love? Well actually, I do think I'm am the perfect incarnation of DaVida Chanel. While I don't know everything about love in this moment, I do know that I am learning more and more everyday. And I know without a doubt that (as my roommate so eloquently penned) I AM THE PRIZE!

To conclude, don't drink the Kool-Aid about why there aren't enough men or why our standards are too high or any other version of why love has not found you. Replace the Kool Aid of "lack of love" and "there are no right men" with the cool refreshing water of "The right and perfect love for you will show up right on time!"

And besides, water has less calories and is good for your skin and teeth!

1 comment:

Josey said...

Hear Hear DaVida! You very eloquently wrote what I had been feeling for years. Never settle Girl! I didn't, and I'm happy I didn't. You constantly amaze me with your insight. Keep it coming!!

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