Check Yo'self Befo' You Wreck Yo'self!

So it is time for a self check ...

I am doing a 40 day activity book called Calling In The One with a group of friends. The other day we had to do an activity where we wrote our essence characteristics ... characteristics of how we love. In order to find out we had to do a meditation, after which I found my love essence was kind and generous. Well, that kind and generous nature of love has met the other side of love I possess - harsh and tough!

I obviously love my family but my heart beats for my grandmother and my little sister. They are my lights and underlie most of the long term decisions I make. My sister can be a brat but I love her so freaking much. That girl has spunk and is beautiful. I do everything I do in part to show her what you can become when you are true to yourself and your desires. My grandmother took me in when my parents wouldn't so of course I'm ridiculously down for her. She raised me to be the amazing woman I am today so I feel I owe a lot to her. This woman and that little girl are my heart and my love for them is often put in a position to be tough and hard. Today's tough love is in defense of my sister.

There is a 16 year age difference between me and my sister and because of the way my mom positioned us after her birth, I'm seen as more of a parental figure (I was always playing a disciplinarian role with her because no one else was). Since my mother works a lot she spends a lot of time with my aunt. Well Hurricane Ike is headed toward their city. My mother is a health care professional has been assigned to work at the hospital until the hurricane situation is over. My sister will be with my aunt who has decided they will stay in her apartment during the storm. If you have any familiarity with Houston, she lives right off of 288 close to the Museum District and that is an area prone to flooding. My aunt works at the hospital and has told me that she has been given a pager that she can "press a button and a helicopter will come and get them if they are in extreme danger." REALLY?

If it is one thing I hate it is when someone tries to play me like a fool! In all my years I've never heard of a freaking pager that you press a freaking red button on that will initiate a helicopter coming to rescue you ESPECIALLY if you are NOT in the top 1 percent of the world's highest income. So now my sister is subject to being in the hurricane under the supervision of someone I feel is CLEARLY freaking delusional (a red button?????). So I am HOT!

This experience has placed me face to face with how I love. It is my love and concern for my family that caused me to care in the first place. I know I am right when I say to evacuate to higher ground (even if it is just going more north to an area that doesn't flood in Houston). BUT it is no longer about if I am right or wrong it is about why the heck would you subject young children (my aunt has a son) to the potential issues of hurricane force winds and rain? AND further why is my entire family believing this pager story?

I am BEYOND upset to the point where I can no longer even talk to them. I'm just over it ... but I'm not because this foolishness affects my heart. AND the fact that my sister has nightmares about rain because during a tropical storm the house flooded ...

I've officially checked myself - I recognize where my feelings are coming from and I clearly see my anger as a result of my feelings of not being heard and not having my opinion respected. How long will it be before they do a self check?


enorman said...

Girl! I SO feel you! My whole family is staying put because the authorities told them they should be fine....WHAT? They should be fine? Are they crazy?! Plus my aunt Gladys (who is in Houston) passed this morning. She had pneumonia and was 98 years old. I was really sad for my father but when we talked this morning, he said that she lived a great life and was ready to go. So, I had to just say a prayer for her and also pray for my other family in Houston. I'm praying for yours too. And your sanity to deal with them. Love ya :)

Karla said...

Wow. Now I get the "button" comment. That's a new one. Let's hope its no more than rain and not as windy as we think. All my 3rd Ward friends are staying in the Tre. I would at least be headed to the Northside. But, I guess you and I see things a little differently from the rest - what else is new? LOL!

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