I've prayed consistently over the past year for an increase in my faith. And this prayer has been granted time and time again since May of this year ...
I've come to learn that when we pray for a certain quality, God puts us in a position to learn that quality. So in order for me to become more faithful, I have to be in situations that exercise my faith. It is like when you want to increase your leg muscles ... you kind of have to do squats, lunges and cardio or they just won't develop right? Well I got the revelation today that these things that have seemed so difficult in recent months are direct answers to my prayers.
When I had to deal with the mass exits of several of "friends" earlier this summer, I felt like it couldn't get worse. Then Gloria got sick. Then my financial situation went way south. Then I became unchallenged and unfulfilled at work. Then I got a new job that promised one pay only to get here and make significantly less than my old job that didn't pay enough. Then this guy I liked fell off the face of the earth. Then Gloria got really sick and I couldn't get home. Then she passed away. Then I went home and saw how much my family needed me and how far removed I was from them, I felt like crap.
But through out this all, something deep inside of me kept saying be faithful.
Every time I think ok, this is it, it surely can't get any worse, something even stranger and more tragic happens. But everytime it does, it is like my faith is getting stronger and becomes more real. Events have happened today that leave me in the most unstable situation ever. But through this tough last few months, I know for sure that this too will pass and that I'll be okay. I have chosen to just be faithful. I've chosen to believe in what I can not see. I have chosen right now in this moment to rely on the power that has gotten my out of and through dangers seen (and those unseen). I am choosing to keep going in the face of uncertainty believing and knowing that I am not alone.
I think this is the point where I get to show off what I've exercised ... you know like when you are working on your legs and they finally get right so you wear a mini skirt or shorts no matter what the weather is outside. I'm letting this faith hang out all over the place today.