- Getting out and enjoying life: I have always enjoyed socializing ... not necessarily out to the club, but being amongst my friends/peers. I like to have people over to eat, watch movies and TV shows and enjoy book club type activities. I love going over to friends' houses for drinks or dinner or to play games. I love going out to dance or to see music shows in small venues. The beach is one of my favorites and I'm always down for an outside (by the pool or the roof) cookout or things of that nature. Overall, I enjoy hanging out. I've noticed that I have stopped a lot of those activities in my life and replaced them with excuses (you know 'em: I don't have any money, I have to work, I don't like going out in L.A., I don't have anything to do). I'm done lying to myself. The truth is I limit myself: for example, when I lived in Indiana I made $1000/monthly for about 8 months, worked at least 80 hours/week from the first 8 months of my new job while maintaing a part time job and found the time to have the best social life of my life to date! Not only did I go out all the time with my friends (various groups of friends mine you), I traveled all over(even though it was for work), hosted house parties, was in a book club, dated guys all the time and towards the end I even prepared for the freakin LSAT. What happened to that girl? She's still here and she's ready to get out and do some things.
- Embracing my Drama: here's an area I've not been living full out. Last night I went to go see Nelly at the House of Blues. When he first came out I loved his music. I remember he came to perform at Purdue and I had to go alone because my friends clowned me for becoming "Midwesternized".
Last night reminded me of why I was so on Nelly and the St. Lunatics - it was because of the one dude with the face mask that would literally dance out the lyrics to each and every one of their hits - he was like the silent hype man (for the longest I thought he was mute because he never speaks at the shows). By looking at him, you can get a full understanding of each and every word they spit. There was a point in my life that - I was a full out interpretation of every thing I expressed. For instance if it were Fourth of July and I was feeling festive, I'd step out in an outfit inspired by that patriotism. If I were sad or unhappy, it would pass quickly because I'd fully express it (sometimes even wearing black lipstick to accompany my mood). If I wanted something, I spoke on it all the time - I embodied what I wanted even when it sounded illogical. I naturally put care, thought and effort in my actions - I want to reflect what it is I have going on. That is who I am and that's what I used to do and that is what I desire to do now. It wasn't always accepted or appreciated by the masses but I do know that those people who were with me were with me regardless so those who are really feeling me won't leave now. I think I eased up because I was called "dramatic". Even if it were meant in a kindhearted way, it stung and I viewed as a negative. Now, it is time to go back to that full expression of myself and let people say what they want.
- Being open: the times in my life when I was not concerned with the outcome and just doing what I wanted to do, I have been the most happy, adventurous and well rounded. I'm going to embrace more of that. Full, all in participation with no concern or worry on the "what is going to happen if" must return to the core creed of who I am and what I'm about.
I'm really excited about this change because unlike any other change I've ever participated in, this one is more of a move back into the more positive aspects of myself. It is not a mission to become like anything ... more of an exercise in realising who I've always been. Wow! I think this journey is about to get fun!