Out Here Grindin'

This week is the sh*# or get off the pot week for me. I have so much to accomplish in 7 days that I have got to get my mind right. In the past when pressure like this comes out, I used to make mix CD's to commemorate the moment and get me crunk enough to fight through (memorable ones include "F Them Cause' I'm A G", "F da Curve", and of course "59 South" - I've since upgraded to playlists). While I generally love all types of music, I wouldn't say I'm that into rap (Weezy F. Baby excluded of course!). However, those lyrics I normally turn away from and would die if I heard my little sister singing are the ones that pump me up to get myself moving. The song lyrics that get me up are the ones that talk about "being great" or "grinding" or "making it happen" or my favorite "going hard". They feed my alter ego (she is DC - ballsy, no fear, boss chick, motivated, all the right words at the right time) who needs to take over when I find my back against the wall. This week's mission is all about time management.
  • WORK: I have to work a double today (worked Sat nite and a double yesterday). I need to work Tuesday night and my job on the movie will probably start on Wednesday morning. I work Thursday and Saturday nights and Sunday morning.
  • APPLICATION FOR FELLOWSHIP: I have to turn in my fellowship application on Wednesday. I'll have to walk it in because I've not finished my materials. I have to write a 1,000 word essay and a 500 word recommendation. The application has to be typed so I have to find a typewriter somewhere. I ordered some ink for my printer that should be here today to print the essays and my resume. If not I need to go to Kinkos at some point.
  • MY BUSINESS: I have to pay for my LLC by Friday. Once that is done I need to pay to contract the services of a graphic designer. I have an official meeting w/a NICE hotel's bar manager about doing promotions there (more details to come after the mtg) on Wed at 5.
  • PERSONAL STUFF: I go running w/my new partner at 6am on tomorrow and Thursday. I missed yoga today (I didn't leave work until 12:30 last nite and was BEAT!). I need to order my herbs from my shaman ASAP so they can be here when I conclude the 7 day detox (I need them to arrive by April 11). I need to decide what I'm going to do w/my hair. It is not adjusting so well to this weather and I'm considering a funky curly weave so that my hair can rest and "get right". I need to clean up ASAP. I need to schedule the cable folk to come before the movie work turns full time b/c I'll never be home. I need to get my stuff from Cali' ASAP.

I say all that to say I have some stuff to do! It is time to get it poppin! It is time to step out of my way. It is time to get grindin ... track 1 on the playlist DJ KHALED!


Sticking Together

There has been a lot in the gossip news lately about Damon Dash, one of the founders of Def Jam, and his financial woes. Apparently he's been on the down slide personally and professionally since Jay-Z, his once partner, left Roc-A-Fella Records. I try not to get too caught up in the gossip because how will we ever REALLY know what's going on, but I read something today that brought me some insight into the character of man.

Ain’t No Nigga Like..Dame Dash
Hip-Hop Chronicles: A Blog by Russell Simmons

Sitting in the audience last night at the crowded 37th Street Arts
Theater in NYC, I witnessed another great Damon Dash contribution, one
that takes hip-hop culture to another significant level of

Sony Entertainment and Damon Dash produced the “Hip-Hop Monologues:
Inside the Life and Mind of Jim Jones.” It’s a fantastic show that
portrays the evolution of hip-hop through the life of Jim Jones.

I have to say: Damon Dash is a hip-hop genius who should never be……underestimated. I have watched Dame’s growth, development and
entrepreneurship over the years, not from a distance, but through
first hand observation. He was one of the creative forces behind
Roc-A-Fella Records, the architect of Rocawear Fashions, he made
significant, culturally relevant movies with Dash Films and has made
other creative cultural statements through Dash Enterprises. And
another great note… He spent a small fortune developing a major
talent and women’s brand through supporting his wife to the hilt !!

In our early days, Lyor Cohen and I used to shout at Damon. And Damon
would shout back. Then we would hug and go handle our business That
was our way of communicating. Eventually, Lyor got older and I did
more yoga and we both stopped shouting so much . Dame eventually made
a few bad choices and a few things went sour. We know haters love a
man who’s been hot to catch a lil cold. Hate spreads. But like Tony
Montana said “Two Quaaludes ….. And they gonna love him again.”

So haters, it really doesn’t matter about your blogs from the
sidelines. Dame’s gonna help heat the economy again!! But if he
got hit by a truck today remember this: Dame’s a giver by nature.
That’s why he has already received so much. He was the business
leader, the Architect, and one of the creative forces that built
Roc-A-Fella Records into an empire. I remember that it was Damon who
came to my office, after we signed Jay-Z to be on The Nutty Professor
soundtrack, with a bag of cash ready to put his money where his mouth
was. :-). But the record “Ain’t No Nigga…” didn’t need his cash
(hit from The Nutty Professor). It was a masterpiece and so was his
artist. Jay-Z: the greatest rapper of all time. I saw countless
displays of vision and faith all the way up to and beyond his struggle
to convince everyone, when no one else believed him, of the artistry
and the genius of Kanye West.

In order to succeed in this business you need to have both a business
sense and great creative instincts (The latter is intuitive and
cannot be learned). Damon has, once again, proven that he is a great
innovator with amazing vision.
So now he is helping Jim Jones in a powerful manner that combines
their collective experiences around being born and raised in Harlem by
taking the culture to the 37th Street Theater, off-Broadway in New
York City, with a live hip-hop band, dance, multimedia and the
dynamics of theatrical stage presentations focusing on the struggles
of life through the lens of hip-hop. I have two pieces of advice: 1)
respect Dame’s gangster 2) go see the play immediately.

Russell Simmons has had clear success in the hip hop world - heck if you saw "Krush Groove" you know he was a founder! For him to step up and speak so highly of someone others have spoken so poorly of in the face of his misfortune is a remarkable show of strength in my opinion. I want to be that type of woman - I want to stand behind folk I believe in no matter what AND I wish to be surrounded by folk who will stand by me if things get rough. Last year when I lost my job and my facade of a world began to collapse, I found myself quite alone. While I'm always surrounded by people, few of them REALLY were there to support me in my darkest hour. Luckily the few that were there were essential in breaking me out of my funk. I am grateful for those people in my life and I hope I'm as good of a friend to them as they have been to me!


New Moon

I'm fairly new to the study of astrology. I know quite a bit about the natal stuff (meanings of planets/houses on the birth chart) but I don't quite get the transits yet. We are about to have a new transit. The new moon enters Aries today and tomorrow (depending on where you are in the world). Here are a couple of notes on what this new moon is to bring:
  • With a stellium in Aries consisting of the Sun, Moon, Mercury, and Venus, we definitely get a sense that it’s time to get off our collective duffs and go for it!
  • What we do during this month kicked off by the Aries new moon should be valuable to our sense of identity in the world, which is a central Aries concern. Right now, Pluto is asking us to declare who we are and what we’re all about. The planets of values (Venus) and communication (Mercury) are right there with the two natural lights of the world. And they’re in brave Aries. Go ahead, be bold!
  • The new moon falls in Aries, the beginning of the zodiac. It’s an astrological new beginning. Aries is the start of the zodiac, the baby. Aries is a gutsy, go for it, fire sign and they demonstrate the boundless energy and enthusiasm you can expect.

To this novice astrological student, it seems to me that the New Moon in Aries is a new beginning - a time to go after all that you desire with the guts that Aries folk display. DO IT! GO FOR IT! MAKE IT HAPPEN! Of course you have to see where Aries is in your birth chart to see how you may be affected BUT the overall theme is the same. There is some area in life that is up for the challenge of getting what you truly desire and this new moon puts it all on the table and allows people to go after it.

Reading about this new moon forced me to ask myself in what areas can I improve? What do I want to accomplish and how can I get from here to there? What is it I want to create? My move to New Orleans was fueled by my desire to work for myself. Have I really been focusing on my career goals? I think I can work harder and be more passionate about pursuing my goals. So here is a sample of my list of intentions for the next few months. What do you want to see happen as the new Aries moon and the spring season are ushered in?

  • Complete my application for this fellowship and turn it in on April 1.
  • Complete LLC information for my business.
  • Hire graphic designer for logo/business cards for business (we are going with Spring Cart Designs - AMAZING work!)
  • Set up website for business endeavor.
  • Continue to set up my home office.
  • Work on setting up payment plans for my outstanding financial obligations.
  • Continue spiritual and physical routines and practices.
  • Do a 7 day detox and follow up with herbs from my shaman during the month of April.
  • Continue to take care in my appearance (wear flattering clothes, hairstyles that make me feel and look good)


Day 2 of 3

I was off from work Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I'm always supposed to be off on those days but I've been picking up shifts. This week I was adamant that I would only work my shifts and get some me time in. It was perfect timing too because my mother and grandmother are on a cruise so no unexpectedly calls from them asking me to do stuff ;) Yesterday I took some time to get my hair done. It was a beautiful day and I spent most of it driving - which was a good thing b/c I got to be out in the weather. I enjoyed one of my favorite summer treats - a nectar snoball YUM! Last night I went over to a friend's for dinner and reality trash TV. It didn't disappoint. I slept like a baby last night.

On tap for today, I need an oil change, cleaning my place (FINALLY hanging some pics and putting together some stuff), doing laundry and if time permits a little waxing and mani/pedi. But right now I'm going take a nap ... LOL! I know it is only 8:15 am but I'm ready to nap a bit. After all it is day 2 of 3 DaVida days - I can do what I please ;)



VH1 does yet another thing to keep me as a fan!

Revelation on Me In Love

I have a confession - I can be a bit of a romantic ... well not in your flowers and candy kind of way, more of your crazy fatal attraction/stepford wife kind of way. Although it is not always obvious but I'm constantly looking for my perfect lover. Well not really looking but I'm generally ULTRA aware of coincidences and synchronicities as it relates to men ... even though sometimes they only exist in my head (after all our thoughts DO create our reality). My first reaction is OMG he is my SOULMATE then I go on this emotional and mental tangent of how this has got to be my Mr. Right. I concoct plans and thoughts around how we are going to have this relationship that is so amazing, so wonderful, so different and unique. No matter what I hold onto that dream until it is painfully and blatantly obvious he is not on the same page. (Funny I fall in the love in a matter of seconds but it takes sometimes years to fall out of it because after awhile I'm not even sure I'm "in love" but more so dedicated to getting the result I initially thought it was. My attitude becomes "Dammit we are going to be in love whether we like it or not!")
So I recognize I am making some progress. A long time ago before I was so enlightened I met this guy. He was (is) beautiful - inside and out. Physically, he was perfectly my type and mentally he was super intelligent and sensitive - an artist. He was way younger than me but I didn't care. The first time I saw him I had a very familiar feeling around him so I had to have him. I pursued him so tough that even though he had a girlfriend we kicked it - poor guy didn't have a chance (I hit him with so much at once, it was impossible for him to be faithful, so he broke down and gave in). I was so into that boy for a period of time. Luckily it ended as quickly. For whatever reason, I just stopped liking him one day (oh I know I met this other boy who took my heart instantly). Anyway, here's the revelation.
A few days ago I saw something online about this guy's sister which made me think of him so I searched him on Facebook. Come to find out, he's all about a spiritual journey like I am. He's into meditation and reads the same books I study from - and yes he is still fine and sexy as hell. AND now that I know more about astrology, I realize his birthday is a compatible date for me! (LMAO! Funny is that it is the same bday as the other boy I'm currently getting over.) My IMMEDIATE thoughts were OMG this is fate, he's my soulmate, we could be in love blah blah blah. BUT unlike before I was able to calm that line of thought just as immediately. I was able to remember that 1)I have a new girlfriend that I'm serious about being faithful to and 2)that soulmate familiar feeling can mean something else besides having sex and living this fantasy in my head of how love goes.
As I explore my patterns in love I recognize that I sometimes get all screwed up because instead of being aware of what is, I get caught up in what I want it to be. I can be quite stubborn - I don't care what ANYONE says if I feel like I'm in love I'm sticking with it until I just can't possibly hang on anymore (or of course I fall in a new love before that one has run its course). I'm tenacious with it - even with the guy backs off, I roll with it and step up my game (who can resist extreme kindness, great sex and good cooking? Very few a man!). I keep my focus on the end result of us ending up together until something happens to snap me out of that fantasy. Obviously this cycle can be taxing but I'm confident that now I recognize it for what it is, I can be empowered to make better decisions.
So I say all that to say, I can now be more aware of what IS instead of what I FANTASIZE things to be. So with this guy, I can see clearly what is - we are two people on a spiritual journey meant to uplift and motivate each other to continue on. And that is enough ... in fact that is wonderfully amazing! I get to grow and unfold with people I know - how EXCITING!


This Girl Has a Girlfriend

I've decided to date this girl.

She's totally cute and super cool. She has a youthful spirit and energy surrounding her. She gets along well in pretty much any social situation and she's into a variety of things. She's ridiculously creative and ultra loving. She is a great friend and has a bunch of friends from all different backgrounds and walks of life. There is just something about her that makes me want to love her.

This girl is me.

A friend of mine shared a great article with me today. The jest of it is that before we can attract the love of our lives in, we must be totally in love with our selves. I think that my quest of love can only be enhanced by getting into myself for a while. So that's what I'm going to do - I'm going to date me. After all, I'm a great chick! Time to get into me!


Somethings Come Back Around

I must be in some sort of "do over" pattern. In the last couple of days, I've been getting the opportunity to re-do some things, some positive, some not. What do you think?
  • I am from a small town so I went to classes from grade school through high school with the pretty much the same people (we were in the accelerated program so the only differences were people whose families would move into and out of town). Anyway one of my favorite people was a girl Valerie Bushnelle. She was so "edgy" even back then (yep in 4th grade she got her hair cut into spikes!). Anywho, I ran into her on facebook and today we are going to lunch. I haven't seen her since graduation and I see this one as a positive!
  • I always desired to work in entertainment and in college there was a locally based company that was making national headlines. I applied SEVERAL times for an internship but they were not trying to hear me. I moved on and left home (which was a positive b/c the next stop was Indiana where I had some of my best days). Anywho, I ran into the former CEO of the company on Saturday night. We talked today and maybe able to work together soon ... and notice now it is "work together" as opposed to "me needing to intern b/c I have no skills". Good stuff!
  • I just saw a commercial for "The Fast and Furious" with Vin Diesel and Paul Walker ... ummmmm didn't this happen already?
  • I have this "friend" that didn't think I should leave L.A. Obviously I thought I should because I did. Our last conversation was in November and it was not so good. So yesterday I got a text from him asking what city I live in. When I replied NOLA he was like can I crash on your sofa on Thursday b/c something about he can't check into the hotel until Friday. My initial reaction was like yeah b/c I felt bad. But then I got to thinking hell no - this fool didn't even know where I live b/c we haven't talked in forever. I called back and said I had to think about it and let him know. Am I being overly analytical on this one?


Sat Naam Siree

I found some peace of bliss - this morning I went to a kundalini yoga class around the corner Uptown. It was a great class - challenging at points but so good to be back in a spiritual practice. I felt some bliss. Working this morning flew by because I was able to simply go back to my breath. I'm off to work the second half of my double.


Tough Love

It is no secret that I love VH1 reality shows and I'm extremely grateful that Vh1 happens to play well in my current no cable situation. Tonight a new show called Tough Love debuted (it is also no secret that I long to be in a loving committed relationship).

So the show is about these women that have been having issues with dating - well they want a man (or husband) and for whatever reason they don't have one. The women are all of different backgrounds and having different issues. Tonight's premiere episode started with this exercise where the women walked out in front of random guys who gave their honest opinion on the women's appearance. It was hurtful but extremely honest. Most of the women got super upset when they heard what the men had to say. Immediately they began rationalize how what the guys said was not true.

This made me realize something about my life - I'm not always a fan of the truth. I can sometimes be more accepting of the rose colored glasses view on things. For instance, I have this male friend that is BRUTALLY NO HOLDS BARRED honest with me. He tells me exactly what's on his mind ALL THE TIME and sometimes it hurts me to the core. Why? If I'm honest there are several reasons.First of all, I am a sensitive person and his comments are sometimes just not what I want to hear. Another common reason I get upset is because his words play on one of my many insecurities (I'm sure he has no idea but sometimes it is like he's read my journal and taking jabs at all my personal issues). Sometimes it is that I do not want to accept what he is saying as so - I think that's what rang out truest tonight while watching the show. These women just didn't want to accept what these guys were saying as true. They, like me sometimes, were just fighting the reality of the truth.

Don't get me wrong, like most people I say I want the truth all the time. But the truth is harsh sometimes (just cause it is true doesn't mean it feels good). And it can hurt especially coming from men who single girls like myself want to date (and grow to love). As I grow stronger as a woman, I am learning to be more accepting of the truth and recognizing it for what is - some one's honest opinion. In the future I am going to listen more to the truth but don't take it on as my truth. Like most opinions, I'm going to discern what is useful to my growth and use it and discard the rest. That sounds healthier ;)


Adjusting to the No Madness

This is usually my fav time of year. I've watched all of my college basketball. I know who is hot and who is going to go far. I know what teams are on the bubble and I know who needs to pull of conference wins to make a run for the big dance. I usually know it all. But not this year. Somehow with the move I did not watch any college basketball. I felt like a sports neophyte yesterday when I caught bits of the Big Ten and ACC tourneys. How lame?

What is lamer is that I am so out of the loop on all of my TV shows. I don't know the last time I saw Gossip Girl, I missed the Nip/Tuck finale and was floored when I heard on a talk show that Izzie on Grey's was dying ... WHAT THE HECK? I'm usually a TV officiano and now I'm so out of the loop. So what is going on with my time?

I am proud to say instead of tuning into the lives of my favorite TV characters and personas, I've been tuning into me. Taking time to figure out what it is that makes DaVida happy and spending my time on that instead. While I miss not knowing what's happening on air, I truly appreciate the time alone with me!


On A Cosmic Journey at NOLA's HOB

Last night I had the pleasure of seeing Solange and Estelle in concert at the House of Blues. First of all, I love concerts in small venues. The artists have a way of connecting with the audience that huge venues don't quite afford. Also as a fan, I can really connect with the lyrics. I loved Sol-Angel and the Hadley St. Dreams from the first time I popped in my CD player. It was one of the best $8 I ever spent (I got it in its first week at Target for $7.99). I felt that Solange was very authentic - her lyrics seemed to fit what a young woman might be experiencing.

Since apparently I'm the only person who read the ticket that said no cameras I had to add some pics from previous shows. I was beyond entertained by the younger Ms. Knowles. In fact, there were few similarities between her show and Beyonce's ... well she did get on her knees a couple times which must be taught in the Knowles' camp! She really rocked out at points and even came out into the audience. Great show!

I have to admit I didn't know what to expect from Estelle. I don't own her CD and only knew the "American Boy" song. I was pleasantly surprised and must get her CD as soon as possible. Her show style was very reminiscent of Lauryn Hill - who knew she could flow? She was very down to Earth and personable but let the dudes have it! She was very real about her relationship past. At one point she pulled up some ladies to dance with her backup dancers. This guy came on stage and was all up on her. SO FUNNY! He was so strong on her she had to walk away.

All in all, I had a great time and it was well worth the $30 ticket. What a great way to unwind on my one night off this week ;)


Eggrolls YES!!!!

I enjoy eating! I have to be careful because I love to eat so much I can tend to overdue it. Today I was feening for Chinese food. Los Angeles had many high points but finding good Chinese food was hard (you know REAL eggrolls - not that spring roll stuff!). So I go on yelp to see what NOLA has to offer by way of Chinese cuisine. I didn't want anything fancy - in fact I was looking for a good lunch special. Boy did I find it. I went to Chinese Kitchen on S. Carrolton. First of all, I passed it up two times because it was in a strip mall with a barely visible sign. The menu was not very detailed and after debating between the tried and true chicken lo mien and mandarin chicken, I opted for something different and got the mandarin chicken and an order of eggrolls. I was EXTREMELY pleased when I opened the eggrolls - just like I like 'em big and thick! The mandarin chicken was okay - I wasn't used to that taste and didn't respond well to it. The fried rice was absolutely amazing! I loved it. I'll definitely return to this hidden gem just not mandarin chicken next time ;)


A Message From Tyler Perry

I'm a huge fan of Tyler Perry's business sense and his seemingly effortless navigation of Hollywood. His story is so interesting to me. Like many a Hollywood actor, he spent some time homeless. Here is a recent entry from his website. I find it to be quite inspirtational.
Hi there,
I've been reading the message board and you've made it perfectly clear that you wanted me to share with you, so here's a long one...(smile). Now you know we need to keep our jobs so if this is too long, then read it when you get time and send it to some friends. Okay, here goes.
Every time I have a movie come out I do a press conference, and with MADEA GOES TO JAIL it was no different. I'm always asked a lot of questions. They're usually the same questions, but this time I was asked something a little different. I was asked how did I get to be homeless. I told the story but this part got left out of the article. When I talk about God people don't like to print that for some reason. Anyway, I ended up homeless following what I believe to be the voice of God. I know that may sound crazy, but hear me out. Here's what happened.
I wrote my first play at 22. After I wrote it I prayed and asked God to bless it and lead me in the right direction. No sooner than I said that, I was in Atlanta visiting for Freaknick...(LOL). On this visit I realized that there was a small theater called the 14th Street Playhouse that I could afford to rent and perform my play in. So feeling led, I moved to Atlanta, got a job and went to work on saving money to do my show. I just knew this would work. Anyway, there were 200 seats. I thought I would do 6 shows and 1,200 people would come and I would be set. There was one problem. I needed time off from my job to do it. I asked my boss and he said no. I went to my desk and prayed. I said, "God, if this is for me to do then lead me." I clearly heard the voice say, "Quit, it will be all right." So I did. I did the play and instead of 1,200 people showing up only 30 came over the entire weekend. I said, "Okay God, where are You?" I couldn't hear a word. Now mind you, I could always hear from God. You remember my parakeet story?
Anyway, of course I was broken-hearted, but I picked myself up and went and got another job. I got a phone call a few months later. Someone who had seen the show wanted to invest in another show. So I was faced with the same decision again. I had just gotten a job and they wouldn't give me the time off, so I had to quit to go and do the play. Same thing. I went to my desk and prayed and heard that same voice saying quit. So I did.
Now from 1992 until 1997 this happened over and over again. I was only doing one show a year, and every time the show failed. So, I would go get another job. But there was always someone new who wanted to invest. I got another opportunity to do a show, but I knew I would have to quit my "GOOD JOB" as my mother would say. I was making $350 a week. Anyway, I went to the boss and asked for time off so I could do the play. He said no. So I went back to my desk and prayed. I said, "God, what should I do?" I clearly heard the voice say quit. So I did.
I went out and did that show. I think it was in Spartanburg, South Carolina. Anyway, I rehearsed, loaded the U-Haul truck and drove down there. There was a little rain as I was going there. When I got there I found out that a hurricane was coming through. Nobody showed up. I was devastated! As I was driving the truck home through the rain, I was going as fast as I could. I was so hurt and angry. I prayed and prayed and said, "God, You told me to do this. Where are You?" I didn't hear a word. It's scary when you can't hear from God. Anyway, I got home and there was the eviction notice. I went out looking for a job and found one, but by the time I got my first check it was too late. I came home from work to find all of my things out in front of the apartment building. I didn't care about the stuff. Let me take that back. My stereo, that I had bought from one of those rent-to-own companies (where you pay five times more than it's worth), was ruined. I was mad about that...(LOL). Anyway, the thing that hurt me the most was that I had so many scripts and songs and things that were ruined from the rain. I sat there getting what I could together. I put them in my car (that was up for repossession) and drove around all night. Finally, I slept in the car. When I got my next check I started staying at this pay-by-the-week hotel. There were drug addicts, prostitutes, and any criminal element you could imagine there. During this time, I was still praying and I still hadn't heard from God.
I called home for a family member to send me some money and I was told that I should give up this dream and that I was never going to make it. I was told to stop doing this play bull$#@t. I think that was one of my lowest days. I cried like a baby because this was someone that I truly loved.
I was working at UPS. Now I was up to about $400 a week, but I couldn't seem to get ahead enough to get my first and last month's rent. This kind woman (who I have been looking for for years) named VIRGINIA HARDIMAN, in Atlanta, loaned me the money. She told me to hold on and that God would see me through. I didn't want to hear that. I felt like He was the reason I was in that situation.
Anyway, I got an apartment. The one I showed you the picture of. And was so happy to have a roof over my head. My thought was, "God, even though I can't hear from You, thank You! Thank You for this place!" I was grateful. Before I knew it 2 years had passed by and I was getting comfortable in my place. It had become safe. I stopped dreaming. I was taking the advice of the family member. I had settled in and didn't want to dream anymore. It hurt too much. I was 28 at the time (you have to be careful when you get comfortable in a place that's not your home).
Anyway, life was okay, but I was so unhappy. By then I had moved on to another "good job" and I walked into that place everyday miserable. I knew there was something more for me. I had gotten so depressed. All I would do was work, come home, eat and sleep. Thank God I have never done any drugs because I know I would have been strung out. You also have to be careful when you're not happy or you will find yourself in some situations that you never thought you could be in. And I did. I started drinking pretty heavily back then. Saturday night I would drink, but Sunday morning I was at church still trying to hear from God. I had given up. Some kind of way the rent got behind again. When I think about it, the rent was $425 and I was only making about $1,200 a month. I had a car and gas and food to buy, so I guess it was easy to get behind.
Around this time I got a call from someone else who wanted to invest, and she said we had an opportunity to do the show at the House of Blues in Atlanta. I said no. I SAID NO! Oh God when I think about this I get a chill. They had to beg me to do the show! It hurt too much to have that dream be revived in me and not make it. I just couldn't do it. I said no. With a lot of coaxing I finally gave in. Can you imagine if I wouldn't have?
Anyway, the night of the play I remember sitting in the dressing room getting ready for the show. I was playing old man 'Joe' at the time. I sat there complaining and talking to God saying, "You always get me out here and You leave me, and I'm 28. This is it! I'm not doing this anymore!" Can you imagine me talking to God like that? That's crazy! But I was so mad at Him then. So, I was saying what I wanted to say and in the middle of my rant I heard Him. IIIII HHEEAARRD HIIIMMM!!!!! Somebody knows what I'm talking about! He said to me, "I AM GOD. YOU DON'T TELL ME WHEN IT'S OVER. I TELL YOU WHEN IT'S OVER, AND THIS IS THE BEGINNING." I sat there crying like a baby. Then He said, "Get up and look out of the window." I got up and looked out and there was a line around the corner trying to get into the place! I still get a chill when I think about it. If I had given up on dreaming... If I had not tried one more time... I wouldn't be here in this place. I wouldn't have seen all that I'm seeing now. For that matter you wouldn't be reading this email.
So, sometimes following God will lead you into places that you don't want to go. It's uncomfortable. It's scary. It hurts. But if you can just hold on you will see there is another side to it. What you're going through is not in vain. Hold on! Keep the faith! And learn to be thankful for whatever situation you may be in. It's not over until God says it's over. And this is just your beginning. TRY AGAIN!!
There is so much more to this story, but I know you have other things to do. I'm writing all of this in my book so you'll be able to get the full story one day. I just wanted to share a little bit with you. Please share it with someone, okay?
Tyler P.

Back Online

Ahhhh, I can finally go online at my place!!!! WOO HOO! Celebrate!
I was supposed to be online on Feb. 20 but thankfully today my connection is finally up and running! Now I can blog, tell you about my new place and get my new life in NOLA documented in my entries. I was beginning to go a little bonkers without an online connection.
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