Declaring My Independence

This morning I woke up determined-I was going to get a Louisiana license and inspection sticker so that I no longer had to be afraid of "driving dirty"(driving with expired tags). I usually don't care-the reason being is b/c my not having valid registration is technically a California issue and the State of Louisiana can't lawfully arrest me on a California matter. I got a ticket this summer though (they can fine me for not switching my license plate if I'm living here over 30 days) and my Grandmother was getting so worked up about my expired tags, it was making me nervous. I was quite content and didn't let it bother me, but since I've been watching The Wire, I know how some cops can be so, today was the day.

This process has been going on for some time. (Note of caution: NEVER try to switch your tags during a Mercury Retrograde!) After months of dealing with the Louisiana DMV, the California DMV and my lien holder, I finally had all my paperwork and was ready. I got permission to come into work late and was all set. First stop, the DMV. It was quick and painless-I was in and out in 10 minutes with my new tags. A difference b/n Cali and Louisiana is that this state requires an inspection sticker (issued by local service stations). So I pull up to the service station. While the clerk was helping another customer (and older man), I popped my trunk, took out my screwdriver and switched my plates. I saw the man staring at me the whole time. When I was done, he asked if I had a boyfriend, I said no. He said are you like 22? 24? I said no, I'm a bit older. He said oh that's why you are so "independent". While he wasn't rude, his tone had a bit of concern. When I was done, I called my Granny so she could rest her nerves. She said oh great now you just have to get your uncle to switch your plates. When I replied that I already had, she said it too: "You are just so independent."She had that same kind of tone that the man at the station did, but since she always slips into that mode when I do things that are less than girl, I knew what she was getting at.

A while ago a guy friend contacted me about doing some work for him. He's a writer and was doing a project about Black love (which was a red flag since I believe there is only LOVE not to be bound by color but I digress). In our third conversation, he said he wanted to start a campaign to ban single women using the term "independent" as an adjective (example: I'm an independent woman). He said the phrase isolates men and makes it seem as if the women do not need them for anything. Because I had NO job at the time, I didn't really say how I felt because I didn't want to ruin the potential incoming business (didn't matter, it fell apart shortly after). Today the tone my Granny and the random guy had reminded me of this sentiment. I feel like they had the same type of feeling-like my independence had some effect on my being in a relationship or rather my not being in a relationship.

Here's the thing, while I truly desire and want to be in a loving, caring relationship, I do not NEED someone else for anything in my life. Need indicates a condition of lack or some requirement to make something whole. I'm already WHOLE and COMPLETE. I'm not going to sit around and wait for someone else to do things I'm capable of doing for myself. I don't want a partner who'd be anything but proud to have a woman that carries her own. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be changing license plates forever and I'd love to be able to turn that over to my lover (and he could DEFINITELY wash my car and get my repairs done this weekend...again I digress lol) but if he were unable to do something, I'm not gonna cry. I will just get it done. I would that would be applauded.

So to that short term boss, my dear dear grandmother and to the guy at the gas station, yes, I happen to be very VERY independent, a quality in which I take great pride. I know deep down they (well actually just my Granny) are really concerned for me. I also know that my love/life partner is on the way and my independence won't deter him at all! When we meet, we'll be two complete individuals who don't NEED each other but sure will WANT each other a whole lot!