4.23.2009

Rejected and Fine With It

This week has been full of rejection and I'm kind of excited by it.
First, I found out that this guy I heart hearts me too, but not in the same way. My heart for him is in a more intimate way, his heart for me is in a more like family way. I was pretty hurt at first but not anymore. If I'm honest with myself, there were several indications a relationship would not work b/n us. We are great friends and I'm learning to accept things as they are instead of forcing or willing them to be as I want. So I'm taking the time to transition from I heart you like a boo to just I heart you. And I'm not beating myself up about it ... just cause he doesn't want this lusciousness, the right man will (LOL! I mean that I'm well aware of my shine so just because he doesn't want me doesn't make anything wrong with me, his bad.)
Secondly, I did not get selected for the Mayoral's Fellowship I applied for. Once again, if I'm honest, I didn't want it anyway. I didn't enjoy the work I was doing there, I just REALLY liked the people and thought it was a "safe" way to transition to being in New Orleans and working in entertainment. Now that I'm working in physical production, I find that I like it tons more. I also find that the atmosphere charges me creatively. I feel like all the "crazy" ideas I come up with are possible and I find support from the other workers who have ideas as "crazy" as mine. Unlike the fellowship, I do not know what I'll be doing for the next 10 months but I'm faithful that it will work out and my needs will be taken care of.
Most importantly, these two events made me realize that I can sometimes talk myself into settling for things because they are simple. My guy friend for example is a great guy but he's really not my type. I found myself wanting to make it work because we were both here (I mean, he's single, I'm single, we have a great time together and we're focused on business goals/positive change for our community together BUT at the end of the day, not enough tenderness or the emotional support I long for in a relationship not to mention he is emotionally unavailable to me). On the fellowship, I was not happy when I volunteered at the location site. I'd never make enough money with just that one gig (I'd have to wait tables as well) and I'd be denying the creative pursuits I would like to pursue. I think NOT getting this guy and not getting this job are exactly what I needed.
So today I celebrate the end of those two things and I completely move on. I accept what is and I act accordingly. It is all good in the hood. OH and today I also celebrate the birth of my friend Karla's daughter - Ms. Kennedy Alise graced the world with her presence on Saturday night! Also shout out to my friend Mistie - today is her birthday!!!
Until next time ...

1 comment:

kay* said...

very mature realizations on your part i think.

kudos for that :)

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